Dear Mrs Macaulay, I write to you with a heavy heart and because my mother is unable to. My parents have been in a toxic relationship for years and I fear if it continues, it may result in my mother losing her life. This relationship has resulted in numerous medical issues from stress for her. My mother is a religious, hardworking woman, while my father could be described as a spawn of the devil. For the past 10 years he has not held a job and continues to party heavily. He fathered a child/children outside their marriage. I’ve now been informed that he’s bringing his child occasionally to my mother’s house, often leaving the child there for her to take care of. He does not ask permission and has thrown her into the role of stepmother without consent.

With him being unemployed, my mother is now the breadwinner for him and his activities. He also grocery shops from her pantry, often leaving with bags of items and filling up buckets of water to take to his other woman. He’s also talking about removing furniture from her home to give to his love child.

My mother is a kind and loving person and I can no longer stand by and watch her suffer. Please advise us on the best way forward because she’s a scared woman. He also makes threats about how he knows all the gunmen in the community.

I am very sorry to learn about your mother’s situation and very angry and disgusted to read of your father’s conduct.  I am however thankful to have been involved with and actively participated in the elaboration of the provisions of the Domestic Violence Act 1995, and its amending Act of 2004 which enables those who have suffered or are suffering or who are likely to suffer violence or abuse, mental/emotional or physical, to apply to the Family Court of their parish or the Supreme Court of Jamaica to obtain protective orders to free them from their abusers’ unlawful and cruel acts and conduct.

There is no excuse for your father’s conduct against your mother or for the fact that he has been ignoring his legal obligations (and his moral ones) as a husband to contribute to the household expenses and to respect, honour and be faithful to his wife or get out of the marriage and home!   I also must point out that your mother has for far too long been enabling him to persist with his unlawful conduct in every action of his, and in every failure to do what he ought.   Your father is not sick and disabled so that your mother would be obligated to provide for and take care of him.  He is just selfish, wicked and irresponsible without any redeeming features in his character and way of life.  You must therefore use the laws which exist to assist your mother.

She has, because of the many years of being victimised by her husband and her beliefs,  become disabled to act in her own interest.  You must and can therefore act for her pursuant to the Domestic Violence Act.

I conclude from your letter that you are an adult and that you do not reside with your mother, so that you are not a member of her household, which means that you can intervene on her behalf pursuant to the “Application for Orders” — Section 3(3)(b) — which provides that an application for a protection and occupation and other orders may be filed on behalf of a person who  is entitled to apply; and your mother is clearly “a prescribed person” entitled to apply for orders to be made against your father, “the respondent”,  both of whom are members of the same household.

This applicable subsection was added by the amendments made in 2004, as it expands who can apply for orders to stop domestic abuses, to a constable, and in your case, “any other person whether or not a member of the household, with the leave of the court”.  Your mother must of course agree that you can act on her behalf.

Then what should you do? Well you should, I strongly suggest, retain a lawyer who practises in the Family Court and is experienced in domestic violence matters, to act for you and your mother.  The attorney should apply for a protection order to ensure that your father can no longer enter the household premises or remain therein or anywhere your mother frequents, for example her workplace, her church and any other place, and that he refrain from molesting her by watching her household or any of her frequent places, following or waylaying her anywhere, phoning her, using abusive language, or doing anything designed to cause annoyance to her or which may result in ill-treatment of her. And also, that he does not damage any property of hers or which she uses and which may be in her care and custody. This is one order, that of protection.

The next order which should be added to the application is an occupation order. This will give your mother the right to live in the home without your father being able to live there.

Then the third order, to be applied for, if necessary, is for an “ancillary order” which enables the prescribed person, your mother, to use all or any furniture, household appliance or household effects in the residence which may belong to your father.  If there are none there then this would not be necessary.

Your lawyer may want to obtain an ex parte order in order to quickly protect your mother, as your father if served with an inter partes application may attack her and cause her permanent injury or worse.  Ex parte means that your father would not be present and the orders would be made and served on him with police presence to see him off the premises. He would, at the same time,  be served with the inter partes application bearing the date of the hearing, for the judge to consider all the evidence and determine what orders ought to be made to protect your mother and her interests.

You should give the attorney every bit of fact of the relationship and of the toxicity and the times and types of abuses. If the exact time of an incident is not available, an approximate one will do.  All the threats should be specified, every detail please, along with a medical report of your mother’s medical issues, or relate them in detail.

I do hope that you will act as I have suggested and save your mother any further suffering , and force your father to fend for himself as he ought to do.

All the very best to your mother and for your peace of mind also.

Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public, and women’s and children’s rights advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com; or write to All Woman, 40-42 1/2 Beechwood Avenue, Kingston 5. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide private, personal responses.