Pucker up: When does kissing kids on the lips become inappropriate?
IT’S not uncommon, especially in the case of smaller children, to see parents pucker up and plant a kiss or two on their lips. However, in recent times, many celebrities including David Beckham and his wife Victoria have found themselves at the centre of debates questioning the appropriateness of this common display symbolising love and affection. But should parents, because of social pressure, refrain from this practice? Or is there an age when this becomes inappropriate? Clinical psychologist Dr Pearnel Bell said that the decision rests heavily on culture.
“The truth is, experts disagree on both the appropriateness of kissing as well as if there should be a cap on when parents stop practising this method of affection. To a large extent, particularly in European countries, kissing on the lips is a norm, it is deeply embedded in the culture and as such some experts argue that not only is this the norm, but that there is [and should be] no age limit when it comes to a parent planting a light kiss on the lips,” Dr Bell reasoned.
In the Jamaican context, however, she said that there is a difference in culture. She submits that while parents still display affection by kissing, the pattern changes as the child grows.
“From a Jamaican cultural perspective, it is the norm for parents to kiss young babies on the mouth; however, as the child gets older, the kiss of affection moves away from the lips and is either given on the cheek or forehead. It is something that can be easily noticed among parents who send their kids off to kindergarten versus those who are dropping off their children at primary school,” Dr Bell said.
She said that other social situations have also resulted in a shift in the way that parents show their children affection as they age — one of them is the increase in the prevalence of child sexual abuse, an issue which, sadly, is on the increase locally.
“I think culturally, kissing on the mouth gives a connotation of intimacy, and so the distinction between kissing on the cheek and lips will differentiate intimacy from affection. It is important that parents make this distinction and help their child(ren) to understand this, in light of the prevalence of child sexual abuse — it is a method of protection,” Dr Bell underscored.
She said that as it relates to when it is no longer appropriate to kiss your child on the lips, experts also share differences in opinion.
“Some say there is no time limit while others say [this] should end when the child can understand the difference between affection and intimacy or shows some level of being uncomfortable with this gesture. Some experts say that just in the same way that parents automatically have to do some things for their children like wiping their butts, bathing and feeding them, as kids get older, parents no longer have to do this because culturally and developmentally it would not be age-appropriate. Kissing a child on the lips falls naturally into that category,” Dr Bell outlined.
She noted that all culturally and developmentally age-inappropriate gestures should discontinue as the child gets older than one-year-old. This way the child can then make the distinction between intimacy and affection to avoid sexual abuse.
