Strong women are hard to date
EVERY year when International Women’s Day (IWD) rolls around, my partner and her friends go out to celebrate. It’s usually dinner, maybe a panel discussion, sometimes a themed event where everyone talks about women’s achievements and the barriers they’ve broken.
This year I’m having a small existential crisis. From early last week, she was already making IWD posts online. She wrote about leadership, independence and the importance of women refusing to shrink themselves to make others comfortable. She got a lot of positive feedback.
She is brilliant. She heads a team at work, speaks confidently in meetings, is wholesome, a giver, and somehow still manages to remember everyone’s birthday. Meanwhile, I often forget my own ATM PIN.
Dating a strong, successful woman sounds great in theory. In practice, it can quietly mess with a man’s ego in ways he doesn’t always expect.
Men are raised with a simple blueprint, and our identity as leaders is clear and comfortable. But what happens when the woman you love can provide for herself, protect her own peace, and own a room better than you can?
At first, I didn’t realise what I was feeling. I just noticed little things, like how proud I was when she got promotions… but also how strangely insecure I felt. Or how impressed I am when she confidently takes charge of our household, while a tiny voice in my head whispers, “do I measure up?”
The truth is, intimidation doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle. It’s the moment you hesitate before celebrating her success because you’re comparing it to your own. It’s the irrational thought that maybe she’ll “outgrow” you. It’s wondering if people see you as her “boyfriend” instead of your own person. And that’s why so many men complain when they pay for their women to go to school, and then they leave the men for better.
None of these thoughts make me proud, but pretending they don’t exist doesn’t help either.
When my partner asked, “what does International Women’s Day mean to you?” I thought about giving a polished answer. But instead I told the truth.
I said it means learning that strength in women isn’t something men should compete with, it’s something we should learn to stand beside. Because loving a strong woman doesn’t diminish a man, it just forces him to grow in ways he might never have before.
Jevaughnie Smith is a communications professional. Send feedback to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
