Dad’s delivery room dilemma

0ne of the main things I tried to find out from my husband when we were dating was how he felt being in the delivery room with his wife when she was giving birth. Thankfully he was all for it or maybe I would be husbandless now (smile). In celebration of Father’s Day on Sunday past All Woman spoke with a few fathers to see how they felt about the issue. Not surprisingly we got mixed reactions as it is still a major part of the Jamaican male psyche that giving birth is ‘woman business.’ (That is my opinion if you can prove me wrong, let me know.)

“I found it a very rewarding experience. I appreciated what my wife was going through. Two things stood out for me – one was how strong women are – a man could not go through that,” said dad T-Rob, whose daughter is now an adult. “The other thing was the miracle of birth – it is really something to see a baby coming out”.

He explained that his wife really appreciated his presence there with her although the experience did have a disadvantage.

“Afterwards it took a little while for me to make love to my wife again. It was a bit of a turn off sexually,” he said.

The possibility of being sexually turned-off was one reason why another dad, Peter Samms, was glad that he was not allowed in the birthing room with his wife.

“The hospital did not want me to go in with her. But I never really regretted it because I don’t know if I would want to see her in all that pain. Maybe, too, it would have turned me off sex,” he told All Woman. “Even getting back into the act again after she had birth was difficult so it might have been worse.” His daughter is now three years-old and he adores her.

He still recalls with glee how good it felt when they came outside to tell him that he had a daughter. He said he being in the delivery room should be dependent on how the father feels and whether he thinks he can handle the experience. Some men he said were squeamish and could not deal with the sight of all that blood.

T-Rob argued that some men might faint in the delivery room. Sharing a similar opinion was Robert Brown.

“I think maybe I would have fainted if I had stayed through all of it,” he said, while recalling the birth of his son 10 years ago. “I was there with her from 9:00 pm and the baby would not come. Then when I left to go home and get some rest he was born.”

He explained that he had been really tired from work so that was his reason for not staying with his child’s mother until the baby was born. “Everything happens for a reason,” he said.

For my husband, Patrick, the births of our two children were awesome experiences.

“It was a birth and an awakening in many ways. It enlightened me to the awesomeness of God and showed me the strength of woman. I think it is the most blessed thing for any child when they come into this world to have both parents there if possible,” he said.

According to him his respect for women had greatly increased as well as his love of life.

“It is also a humbling experience and I would encourage more males to do it,” he said.

While there are some that would argue that the fathers being at the birth is not a necessity, for a lot of women it is very important (whether they tell their partner so or not.)

Ideally it is good if both partners can go to Lamaze or some birth preparation class together – that way they both know what to expect when labour starts.

An informed couple is much better equipped to deal with what happens before and during the delivery process. For example while labour and delivery can take from 6 to 24 hours (or more) the dad should have an idea of what to do at the different stages (providing it is a normal delivery.) His coaching his partner can be crucial during the three main stages of labour – pushing and birth and after birth.

You would be surprised to know how much of a difference it makes having that special someone there to rub your back and tell you how and when to breathe when the contractions hit. It is bound to strengthen your relationship and you will always have an interesting tale to tell afterwards.

My husband told me after our daughter was born that during one particularly tough contraction I grabbed on to his ear and he thought that it would have been a casualty of the birth. But that is another story for another time… Suffice it to say while there maybe circumstances such as work or hospital policy which may stop dads from participating in the delivery process it is a rewarding experience that is catching on in Jamaican culture. As All Woman celebrates the full participation of fathers in the parenting process we encourage dads to be there from the start.