Separated, pregnant and worried
Counsellor, I have been legally married for 12 years, but because of constant infidelity from my husband, I stopped forgiving him and asked his parents to remove him from our matrimonial home. It has been five years since the separation.
I was very ill late last year, and never even got a phone call from family or friends. It was a male friend who took care of me until I was able to get back on my feet.
We had a great friendship over the years until we decided in February 2026 to start a relationship. I was on birth control, but somehow I still got pregnant.
My major concern is that this man knows I have financial struggles, and the care he used to put out for me is no longer there.
He doesn’t call or text and no financial assistance comes from him. I am trying to not let it bother me, but friends keep asking what he’s doing to help.
I have spoken to him but there are no changes so I have decided to see how best I can do things on my own. I just need advice on how to put my foot forward.
You have been separated from your husband for five years and you have become pregnant. You are presently in financial struggles and wondering what to do. Understood. Life can feel quite unfair at times. However, I maintain, God is still fair, and He is still good. And doing right is always right, despite what’s going wrong around us. Every tangled cord in your life can become untangled with time and patience. The gleeful function of the evil elements in our world is to watch people give up on life and miss the wonderful opportunities that yet exist. Let’s try to untangle some of those cords that bind you.
Regarding your husband: If he was unfaithful, then you are justified to separate and divorce. In doing so you have protected yourself from health risks and more emotional turmoil. You’ll need to start thinking about getting the divorce finalised. Sexual immorality and infidelity are a biblical reason for divorce (Matthew 5:32.) Let your conscience be clear. For the divorce proceedings, call around to see what pro bono help you can get from a lawyer.
.
Forgive your husband (and your family and friends). Forgive, because you can forget. And you don’t want to carry bitterness into your future. You’ll have to be ready and able to take hold of your future opportunities. So, forgive him. He was weak and made a mess of his opportunity with you. I’m not suggesting you attempt to rekindle the relationship. I am suggesting you clear any bitterness from your mind.
Regarding your boyfriend: If he’s proving to be unavailable, that’s that. He does have a responsibility for the child, though. While you do your best to get legal help with the divorce, get legal advice on how to ensure that he provides financial support. Don’t think to do it alone. Too many women do that and cause themselves additional struggle. The court should be allowed to remind him of his responsibility.
Regarding the child and your future: The Bible says, “A cheerful heart brings good healing, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 – (NEV). Perspective is everything, it determines destiny. If you allow yourself to be crushed, even your health is in jeopardy. Understand that God is good, and He loves you. And in your darkest night God is still a guiding light. Give the Lord a chance to rescue you. Whisper petitions to Him and rest in His sovereignty. Start each day with a positive confession: “Lord, the rest of my life will be the best of my life.” Connect also with a decent church, and a charitable organisation. If you find a good church, be consistent. There are still good people in churches who will help.
Give yourself and your child a good opportunity. Stay positive! And I pray that indeed the rest of your life will yet be the best of your life.
Get on The Counsellor’s Couch with Rev Christopher Brodber, who is a counsellor and minister of religion. E-mail questions to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com.
