Sex after childbirth… touch and go
How soon can we start making love again? is a question many women may hear from their partners shortly after having their child. While for the women sex is probably the last thing on their minds immediately after giving birth, the men think differently. They definitely want to know a time and date for resumption.
The first six weeks of adjusting to a newborn in the house is a difficult time for both partners but it can be even more complicated by a partner who is impatient to wait the recommended six weeks.
“My husband was very sweet for the first three weeks then after that he got a bit grumpy about waiting. We discusssed how he felt though and he understood that I had to heal properly. But the first time that we did it after the six weeks turned out to be worth the wait. It was beautiful,” Kerry told All Woman. Things worked well in her case but other women spoke of cases where their partners were impatient and threatened to go outside their union for sex.
“Some men don’t understand that you need time to adjust to all the changes your body is going through,” said Mae. “At that point your baby takes up all of your energy and you need sleep, you hate your body; your hormones are still out of whack and you are just not up to it.”
If you had a normal birth most doctors recommend that you wait until six weeks after delivery, have your postpartum check-up and then resume sex.
If you had an episiotomy, cesarean, or other procedures, the time it takes to heal will depend on how extensive it was and where the cutting was done. Even at six weeks, women who have had theses procedures will probably still have discomfort if they try sex. Perhaps a water-based vaginal lubricant could help in this case.
For some women the resumption of sex is uncomfortable.
“I had a caesarean section and I was told that it would be two months before we could start making love. But it ended up being three months before I could and it was terribly painful,” said twenty-four year-old Nikki.
Sometimes there are fears by either partner that the body has not completely healed.
Many men are unprepared for the changes in their partner’s body. While the genital area does revert to its pre-pregnancy state and Kegel exercise can help to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles, your breasts will not be as full and firm as before. You may find that your breast smay even start leaking during sex.
Some other causes of discomfort are:
* Vaginal dryness, especially common when breastfeeding.
* Slower sexual response due to temporary hormonal imbalance, so take your time.
* Extreme fatigue. Sleep deprivation, hormonal changes and the anxiety of handling a newborn take their toll. Good communication is crucial.
* Lack of spontaneity. It can be difficult to engage in lovemaking while listening for the baby’s cry. Try for times you think the baby is well asleep.
Life with a baby is never the same as life without one, but gradually you will be more relaxed and your sex life will return to normal. Throughout the enormous change in your relationship you need love, understanding, gentleness, patience and good communication. It’s not an easy task, but it’s definitely worthwhile.
So remember to make time for sex on a regular basis once you have resumed, and even if you are breastfeeding or have not yet started having a period yet – use a method of contraception.
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