How to avoid getting sucked into an argument
Javier is a 20-something-year-old bachelor, an expert in the nature of the modern man. Week by week, he will clue you in on what men really want – and what really goes on in those heads of theirs.
Arguments. Who needs them? Certainly not us men. And for all our work trying to guard against them, most of them unnecessary, we always end up getting sucked into them. If it’s not a misunderstanding about some suggestion we made – like suggesting that our woman go jogging with us one morning being interpreted to mean she’s fat – it’s us not doing something she claims she’s been hinting at for weeks that we do – like not taking her to the latest chick flick that she claims she hinted she wanted to see when she said she might want to see it if she didn’t have anything better to do.
Then before we know it we men are on the defensive end of an argument that just seemed to creep up on us, kinda like the way Dracula creeps up on his victims. And because most of the time we think these situations don’t warrant an argument and get all uninterested and sarcastic – yes, that’s a personal interjection – they take the gloves off and we get the dreaded “You don’t care about my feelings” spiel on top of the argument. Once that bomb is dropped it can take days of damage control to get back on good terms with her.
Other experts say it’s because women are emotionally fickle creatures and they constantly need to be reassured of their worth to men so they put us in these situations to watch us fall all over ourselves making them feel good. You know what, I agree with those experts.
We men deserve some kind of language award for always walking on eggshells making sure we never say the wrong thing to you ladies. I’ll admit we fall off course a lot of the time, but hey, nobody’s perfect.
As far as I’m concerned, you should save the arguments for the big stuff, like deception or ill-treating the other person. But since I know it’s never that simple to avoid one of these surprise arguments, here are a few tips I learned to defuse the situation with as few blows taken as possible.
1. Don’t talk loud, or try to raise your voice.
We’ve all heard that a soft answer turneth away wrath, and I can safely say that when it comes to those little arguments it works. If we don’t raise our voices then it sends the message that we are in a communicative, maybe even receptive mood. And with that in the air, all she can do is let her anger ride itself out ’cause she won’t have anyone to argue with. As long as you don’t get sarcastic when you talk to her in low tones then you shouldn’t have anything to worry about.
2. Admit you’re wrong first.
It goes without saying that a lot of the time we get into some arguments that really aren’t worth the air wasted participating in them, and in those situations it can be worth your while to take a dive, rather than put up the offensive.
Taking a dive makes you look like you’re listening to her, which scores you many brownie points in the sensitivity department. In taking a dive however, don’t let her completely off the hook, because telling her she’s right is a drug that you don’t want her to get addicted to. Next thing you know you’re waving goodbye to her respect for your opinion. Let her know that as much as you take her point and you will ‘do better in the future’, she should respect that this kinda thing doesn’t need an argument to fix, just communication.
3. Artful cross-examination.
For this one you stand quietly watching her go on, maintaining eye contact, making mental notes of all the things she’s saying. Then when she stops to ask you what you have to say for yourself you, in your very calm voice, repeat everything she said in the way she said it and address each issue individually. That way she obviously sees that you’re listening and that you are trying to work at the problem. Don’t allow her or yourself to stray from the matter at hand, and as long as you don’t get sarcastic or offensive her anger will wane in the face of constructive discussion.
4. Do not tell jokes.
As sexy or as funny as you may think it makes you look, during an argument is not the right time to go into your impersonation of Ne-Yo’s When You’re Mad. Not only does this come across as insensitive, but this amounts to storing up info for another argument, more specifically the ‘you never take me seriously’ argument. We all know that women like to store info up and then release it unexpectedly during a later argument so telling a joke or trying to be funny during one argument is like shooting yourself in the leg on purpose. You should always at least look like you’re taking her seriously, not trying to avoid the issue, which is what telling a joke amounts to.
5. Don’t get personal.
The surefire way to make a small argument turn into World War III is to allow yourself to get caught up in the emotion of things and start hurling insults.
No matter how insignificant the issue is, no matter how unnecessary it may seem, just remember that arguments are supposed to be constructive not destructive so don’t get so annoyed that you want to get personal. Remember that soft calm voice I mentioned, until it’s time for one of those big argument blowouts then let it be your best friend in an argument.
So you men should be on your way to avoiding those long arguments over small things. Remember men, it takes two to argue but it’s easier to let her argue for the both of you.
