I’m still jealous
My husband and I are separated and heading for divorce. I still love him, though we’re irreconcilable. The other day I got really angry when I saw him with another woman. I seriously wanted to kill them both. How do I get these feelings of jealousy out of my head and move on with my life?
– Jealous
Dear Jealous,
I am not sure that you are understanding what you are saying to me. You are to be divorced. You are irreconcilable. And yet you are in love with him?
Maam, I do not think that you are in love with this man. You are not jealous of this woman. I think that you have loved this man for so long, that you have developed the habit of loving him. You need to break the habit.
Try this approach. Think about what caused the separation. Think about what happened to make the relationship irreconcilable. Think about why you are getting divorced. You know what went wrong to make this divorce inevitable.
For example, if your daughter told you this story, would you agree that she is still in love with the man? I think not.
I suggest that you remember the answers to the above questions every time you feel emotion toward your ex.
If you keep in front of your eyes the reasons why you have arrived at this spot, you will in very short shift be able to accept the situation and move on with your life. It is not going to happen overnight, but it will happen sooner than you think.
Happy divorce, when it comes.
My best friend likes my guy
Dear RB,
I’ve known this man for about a year and we get along good together. We hope to go further with the relationship, but there is one problem. My best friend who introduced us likes him too, and has told me so. He likes me, and we’ve been keeping things on the down low to protect her feelings. But I’m tired of hiding now. What do you think?
– On the down low
Dear On the down low,
I understand your wish to protect your friend’s feelings. I really do. But the truth is that she is going to be hurt when she hears, no matter what. Further, the longer the relationship has been going on ‘on the down low’, the more hurt she is going to be. So just tell her.
Somewhere in your speech, remind her that she has done you both a great service by introducing you. Also say that you will have to find some way to thank her. She is going to be hurt, so take some time and be kind. If she is a friend, she will be happy for you and realise that you and he have a thing going on, and that there is nothing between him and her. Good luck.
Need no-frills advice about relationships, sex or just about anything else? Send questions to RB Samuels c/o all woman, 42 Beechwood Ave Kgn 5; via email to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com or fax 968-2025. We’re sorry, but RB cannot provide personal responses.
