How to get a date with the one you secretly admire
WE’VE all been infatuated with someone we feared we couldn’t have; whether this was because we feared they were out of our league, or we just got cold feet.
But if that someone makes your palms wet and sticky each time they walk into a room, each time they flash that gorgeous smile, or each time their lips part to say hi, then it may be wise to do something about the feelings.
So how do you get a date with the person you secretly admire?
Ashlei McFarlane, clinical psychologist, said studying the person and finding out what type of person they are attracted to is a surefire way to making your next move.
So:
1. Study the man/woman you are interested in
“Find out what are their likes and dislikes,” McFarlane said. “Example, find out if the person is a party person who likes to be at bars every night. If you are a homebody you will have to decide if this is a good match for you in the first place – even if you are physically attracted to the other person.”
2. What type of woman/man is the person you admire attracted to?
“Find out if the people he/she typically dates look like you or have a similar physique or lifestyle,” McFarlane explained.
3. If the above two prerequisites are a go then…
“Go for it! Be bold but not too aggressive,” McFarlane added. “Invite the person you admire to a non-intimate outing. Say, ‘Hey, I have an extra ticket for a Reggae Boyz match would you like to come?”
However, she added, you should be prepared for rejection.
“But what do you have to lose? Your bravery may lead to a meaningful and lasting relationship!” the psychologist said.
Christopher Lai, author of the e-book Lai Detector: Innovative methods on how to approach a lady… also advises caution when making that move.
“It is natural to be anxious, it is normal to be insecure at times. But let me assure you of this; you have absolutely no chance to get through if the thought of rejection has permeated your mind,” he said. “So rid your thoughts of all negativity; never consider yourself to be inferior and understand that you must be confident in this setting.”
Lai said to be on the safe side, a very cautious approach will be needed to ensure that your reputation is protected throughout the process.
“The dynamics of your quest should be partly inactive, extremely meticulous, and occasionally thoughtful. Show that you are interested in getting to know her but leave her bewildered. Ask questions to get to know her, not to pursue her.”
When it comes to men trying for a date with the woman they admire, Lai said creating conflicting thoughts in a woman is the best way to make a man attractive to her.
“You become someone worth thinking about and you arouse a very sensitive emotion, her curiosity,” he explained.
He said after the initial interactions, she should be left to ponder two things:
1. Do you engage her for camaraderie purposes? Or
2. Do you have a crush on her?
“As you continue to socialise meaningfully, without directing a beauty compliment, she will begin to seek your attention in that regard. She may spend a few more minutes in front of the mirror in the mornings and might elect to wear an outfit that accentuates her exquisiteness,” Lai declared.
“When she steps out of the car in the parking lot she may even glance at her reflection in the window of her co-worker’s automobile that she parked beside. Your unyielding persona will fuel her desire. This bodes well for the development of the relationship. You need her to want you and the only way to do this is to leave her unfulfilled.”
