Lessons I’ve learnt from my ex
THERE is a very simple saying that you live and you learn. As a result, many people have adopted the attitude that there is a lesson to be learnt from every experience that they go through.
But while many who have been in relationships admit to walking away with at least one major lesson leant, there are those who also admit that despite the best of intentions, these lessons never seem to last beyond the next union, or when something comes up to test the strength of that union.
“Everyone has the best of intentions when they enter a relationship and everybody has things that they expect from that relationship,” said Gregory Samuda, an informal counsellor who has dubbed himself the local Dr Phil.
“In the end I don’t think anybody can honestly say they have left a relationship and haven’t learnt something from it.”
Here are some lessons readers admit to having learnt from their relationships that didn’t last.
1. Don’t cheat with a married man
“It doesn’t make any sense to cheat with a married man because it won’t go anywhere,” Yvette R declared.
2. Don’t get involved with someone on the rebound
“I learned this lesson from a past relationship because it brings with it too much baggage from the past, and you really cannot tell if this person cares about you or is just using you to get over his hurt,” said 51-year-old Karen P.
3. If someone says they are sorry, forgive them and move on
“Don’t dwell on past hurts. If genuine remorse is expressed, forgive and forget,” said counsellor David Anderson.
4. Find time for yourself
“Don’t get so caught up in a man that you don’t find the time to take care of yourself, because in the end he will leave you for someone who takes care of herself and who looks better than you,” said Gene R.
5. Each person is an individual and they have their own way of doing things
“Don’t expect someone to act the way you do, or to act the way you want them to. That’s what compromise is for,” Anderson said.
6. You need your own space
“Don’t discard your friends for your new mate. Have nights out with friends, keep connected to family. Don’t let your spouse be your be-all and end-all,” added Anderson.
7. Men will settle with women who allow them to do what they want
“This is a lesson I learnt not just from my relationship but from other people’s relationships,” said Sophia L. “When a woman allows a man to ‘run up and down’, that’s the woman he will settle down with.”
8. There is a time when you may have to let go
This may be hard, but there’s no point in hanging on to something that’s been dead for years and years.
