Taking care of your ageing parents

For many people, the reversal of roles when their parents become dependent can be a difficult change to handle. Transitioning from child to caregiver can be taxing; however, Professor Denise Eldemire-Shearer, gerontologist and director of the University of the West Indies Ageing and Wellness Centre, said the task can be less difficult if you bear certain things in mind.

1. Recognise that elderly people must have choice as well as independence

“You must acknowledge that despite their age your parents are still individuals who are capable of making their own decisions,” she said. “Therefore don’t tell them what to do. Always allow them the freedom as well as the independence of making their own choices. Allow them to feel as if they are still in control.”

2. Try to understand the ageing process as much as possible

“Get your hands on as much information as you can about the ageing process,” said Eldemire-Shearer. “The more you know the more likely it is that you will be able to cater to the needs of your loved one. Sometimes an elderly person experiences pain and you may just brush it off and say, ‘Oh it’s nothing, it’s just old age’. But the truth is that there could actually be a more sinister cause. Educating yourself on ageing as the caregiver will allow you to better pick up on anything that is wrong.”

3. Embrace health promotion

“When the children take responsibility for the care of their ageing parents it is important to remember that even though they are old they still need to keep themselves healthy and active. If it is even five to 10 minutes of exercise, allow them do it as some exercise is better than none at all. Ensure that they are taken to their physicians for regular check-ups. You can also read up on the side effects of their medication.”

4. Don’t push other people away while you care for your parents

“Many women who take care of their ageing parents are in their 40s and 50s. In midlife most women have to deal not only with menopause but with children leaving home as well. My advice to these women is not to sacrifice the significant people while they care for parents. Ensure that you give attention to the other people in your life and not just your parents.”

5. Take care of yourself

“Most times most of your energy will be focused on caring for your parents. But it is important that you recharge yourself. Take care of yourself, the caregiver. The quality of care that you will be able to deliver to your parents is dependent on how well you care for yourself.”