5 early signs your relationship won’t last
LADIES, sometimes we know much earlier than we admit that a relationship is not going to work. We see the signs. We feel the discomfort. Our girlfriends notice something. Our family raises concerns. But because we like him, because we have already invested time, or because we desperately want the relationship to work, we explain away what should have caused us to pause.
I have always believed that what you ignore during dating, you will eventually have to manage in a relationship or marriage. So let’s talk about five early warning signs you should never ignore.
Inconsistency
Today he is completely interested. Tomorrow he disappears. One week he is talking about the future. The next week he is distant. You find yourself constantly wondering where you stand. Ladies, consistency matters.
A man does not have to text you every five minutes to prove he cares, but his behaviour should not leave you constantly confused. Trust is built through patterns, not promises.
You are always doing the pursuing
You initiate every conversation. You make every plan. You are always checking on him, asking when you will see him and trying to keep the relationship alive. There is nothing wrong with a woman showing interest, but there is a difference between expressing interest and carrying an entire relationship.
If you constantly have to convince someone to participate in the relationship, pay attention.
You cannot have difficult conversations
Every relationship will encounter disagreements. The question is how you handle them. Does he listen? Can he acknowledge when he is wrong? Can you express your feelings without being mocked, dismissed or punished with silence?
A man who cannot handle a simple conversation while dating may become much harder to deal with when life becomes complicated. Maturity is not avoiding conflict. Maturity is learning how to navigate it.
Your values are fundamentally different
Love cannot always bridge fundamental differences in direction. You may love him deeply and still have to acknowledge that the two of you are heading toward different destinations.
You are already making excuses for him
“He had a difficult childhood.” “He is just stressed.” “He doesn’t mean it.” “He will change.” “He is not ready yet.”
Ladies, compassion is wonderful, but do not use compassion to blind yourself. A wounded person deserves compassion, but you are not required to become collateral damage while someone refuses to heal.
Don’t marry potential. Marry the person standing in front of you. That does not mean people cannot grow. They can. But you need to distinguish between someone who is genuinely growing and someone who keeps promising that growth is coming.
Pay attention to patterns. Pay attention to character. Pay attention to how he treats people when he does not need anything from them. Pay attention to how he handles disappointment. Pay attention to how he speaks about his exes. Pay attention to how he treats you when he is angry.
The early stages of a relationship are not simply for falling in love. They are for gathering information.
Do not allow chemistry to make you ignore character. Because the goal is not simply to find someone who makes your heart beat faster. The goal is to find someone with whom you can build a life that brings peace, growth, friendship, purpose and mutual respect.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to acknowledge the red flags before they become your reality.
Marie Berbick-Bailey
Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, women’s transformational coach, ordained minister, author, motivational speaker, wife, mother and big sister dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive, and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com, www.marieberbickcoach.com, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
