How to move on when someone has hurt you

NOW, this is something that can keep you emotionally stuck, waiting for an apology that never comes. Perhaps your partner disappointed you when you needed him most. Maybe he made a decision that hurt you deeply, dismissed your feelings, broke a promise or walked away without acknowledging the damage he caused.

You have replayed the situation in your mind, wondering how someone who claimed to love you could hurt you and carry on as though nothing happened.

And the question that follows is often this: How do I move on when he has not even said he is sorry?

Being hurt by someone you love can affect you emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. You may feel angry, rejected, embarrassed or confused. There will be moments when you may find yourself rehearsing conversations in your head, imagining what you would say if given another opportunity to explain how much pain he caused.

Sometimes you are not even waiting for the relationship to resume. You simply want him to acknowledge what happened. You want him to understand that his actions had consequences. That is understandable. But here is the problem: When your healing depends entirely on someone else’s apology, you give that person considerable power over your emotional freedom.

So, what happens when the apology never comes?

Understand why you are struggling to let go. Sometimes, the pain is not only about what happened. It is also about what the experience has made you believe about yourself. You may feel that you were not valued, that your sacrifices meant nothing, or that the person has escaped accountability while you are left dealing with the emotional consequences.

You may also be struggling with the unfairness of it all. How can someone hurt you and continue living as though nothing happened? Recognising what is keeping you stuck is an important first step. Understanding what you need can help you determine how to move forward, even if the other person never provides it.

Stop making your healing dependent on his acknowledgement. This is where you must make a decision.

You can want an apology without making it a requirement for your recovery. You can acknowledge that someone treated you unfairly without waiting for them to admit it.

Some people avoid apologising because they struggle with pride, shame, defensiveness or accepting responsibility. Others genuinely believe they did nothing wrong. You cannot control which explanation applies, and you may never receive a satisfactory answer.

What you can control is how much longer you allow the situation to occupy your thoughts and determine your emotional state.

Give yourself permission to grieve what happened. Moving on does not mean pretending that you were never hurt. You may need time to process the disappointment, especially if the person was someone you trusted deeply.

Talk to someone you trust. Write down what happened and how it affected you. Consider counselling if you find yourself repeatedly revisiting the situation or struggling to function normally.

You do not have to rush into forgiveness, and you do not have to maintain a relationship with someone simply to prove that you have moved on.

Decide what boundaries you need going forward. If this person continues to dismiss your feelings, repeat the same behaviour or expect access to you without accountability, consider what level of contact is healthy.

You can communicate your feelings clearly, but you do not have to keep explaining your pain to someone who consistently refuses to listen. Remember, boundaries are not about punishing someone. They are about protecting your well-being.

Choose your peace, even without closure. Closure does not always arrive in the form of an apology. Sometimes, it comes from accepting that you may never receive the explanation or acknowledgement you hoped for.

You can recognise that someone hurt you without allowing the experience to control your future relationships. You can learn from what happened without becoming suspicious of everyone who comes into your life.

And you can release the expectation that the person must understand your pain before you are allowed to heal.

Moving on does not mean what happened was acceptable. It means you are choosing not to remain emotionally imprisoned by it.

Of course you deserved consideration. Your feelings mattered. And the absence of an apology does not erase the impact of what you experienced. Do not spend the rest of your life waiting for someone else to give you permission to move forward.

Sometimes, the most important conversation is not the one you are waiting to have with him, it is the one you finally have with yourself.

Rev Marie Berbick-Bailey is a certified master life coach, women’s transformational coach, author, minister and motivational speaker dedicated to empowering women to heal, thrive and walk in purpose. Connect with her at www.marieberbick.com or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com

MARIE BERBICK BAILEY