Improve your chances of a successful relationship

SOME of the smartest women I know have made bad and continue to make bad choices when it comes to men. They are smart, intelligent and are successful in every aspect of their lives, except relationships. So if a sister can make good decisions in business and other areas of her life, why can’t she get it right when it comes to choosing a man?

A woman can be superb at managing her business because she understands that good business decisions are the practical ones made with the head. However, this same smart, intelligent woman might not be as good with managing her personal life because she makes those decisions solely with her heart.

Truthfully, women are emotional creatures, so when faced with relationship issues we tend to take an emotional approach to dealing with it and that’s the basis of many of our problems. A woman, moreso a successful one, should not make decisions about choosing a partner based solely on her emotions. She has too much at stake.

Here are some lessons that a successful woman can apply to improve her chances of having a successful relationship.

1. Leave the boss lady hat at work. Women who are successful are usually leaders. They are used to charting their own courses and having others follow. Leaders are used to giving orders or inspiring others. Unfortunately when it comes to relationships, one of the biggest mistakes successful women make is that they fail to transition from boss to wife or girlfriend when they get home. They go home expecting their partners to also follow their lead. Men have huge egos and whilst they may want an intelligent and driven woman, most men do not want to be ordered around by their women, so leave the boss lady hat at your place of business.

2. Allow the man to feel like he’s in charge of the household. When a man tells you that you should allow him to wear the pants in the household, it can mean one of two things: Either you are purposefully or unconsciously trying to take over his role, or he’s the insecure controlling type who feels threatened by your independence. Whatever it is, take note and do what is necessary to correct the situation. If it’s the former, step back and support but allow him to lead. If it’s the latter, you need to seriously assess whether you’ve landed one of the insecure, controlling types that you ought to say goodbye to as quickly as possible.

3. Support his dreams. Although you might be successful, your partner also needs to feel fulfilled. He might be proud of your accomplishments but those are YOUR accomplishments, not his. If he isn’t as successful as you are, once you can see that he has drive and ambition, listen to his ideas, encourage him, give him advice and help him execute. If you don’t work with your partner to achieve his dreams, he might just find another woman who is interested and supportive of his aspirations.

4. Stop taking out your purse to pay for everything. There are some real gentlemen out there, but there are also some real gigolos who live off women who have some amount of spending power. There’s nothing wrong with meeting a man halfway to pay on a date, but do not start off your relationship by exhibiting too much of the “independent woman” attitude. Some men are intimidated by women who are financially independent while some want your money. The man who is intimidated, once he realises that you like to pay your own way, if he was cultured to look after his lady financially, he might back off because he doesn’t feel as though you need him. Men like to feel needed, so allow them to take care of the needs they can take care of.

5. Look out for the toy boy. He’s usually drop-dead gorgeous, perhaps younger than you are, and his swag will have your friends and other women green with envy. However, there is one drawback– he doesn’t work and can’t recall the last time he did. If you are a successful woman, unless this is the life you want to live, avoid these types of men at all costs. They are a recipe for your emotional meltdown.

6. Don’t make a habit of having him drive your car. It is always nicer when your partner owns a car. However, the reality is that there are men who will court you who do not own a car. Allowing the man you are involved with to drive your car should be dependent on the stage of your relationship and how much you trust the man. Some men simply love to borrow your car, emergency or not. If it’s just a man you are dating, and he doesn’t own a car, ensure that you set some rules or you might just spot him driving one day with another woman’s feet on your dashboard.

If you are financially independent you can find a good man. Just bear in mind that although you might be in a better position financially, a man still needs to be treated with respect. Let him feel valued, needed and appreciated and be sure to set your own boundaries to eliminate the unwanted suitors.

Marie Berbick, aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Catch up with her on her blog Diary of a PR Girl at diaryofajamaicanprgirl.blogspot.com/. Email marieberbick@gmail.com.