Man creates spreadsheet of all the women he’s loved

NOT many of us even want to remember all the people we’ve been with, in fact some women lower their actual number by crossing off the list past lovers who died, couldn’t perform, were one-night stands, and the like, because if the guy was inconsequential or is no longer living, then he doesn’t count, right? It’s skewed logic, sure, but acknowledging a brief, drunken college encounter with the same status as your boyfriend of five years seems unfair.

But this is not the case for 40-year-old Michael, who is doing the opposite — he has kept a spreadsheet of all his sexual encounters since age 17, with concise descriptors of the act beside each name.

“I do it to remember what happened, with whom, as an ego boost, as a comparison of each woman’s skills, and in the event that I pick up a disease, I’ll know who it came from and who should get checked,” he told All Woman.

When asked about his behaviour perception, Michael said he sees it as “quite normal” and in fact very responsible of him to keep track of his encounters.

Keeping a sex list is not unique to Michael; 25-year-old Jason said with each name he writes, his pride and ego are lifted.

“When I reached number 50 I had this very huge sense of accomplishment and now I’m focused on getting to the 100th woman,” he said.

Jason further added that the list serves as a reminder of where he’s been, where he should never return, and each experience teaches him different tricks and trades in the book of love.

Dr Alverston Bailey, family physician and author of Sexplanations: A guide to discussing Sex & Sexuality in the Caribbean, said most Jamaicans, especially women, are conservative and secretive when it comes to their sexual lives and the issue of journalising your sex journey as a man is very uncommon.

“Women are far more likely to keep a diary of those personal events, men rarely ever do that,” he said.

He said in fact a lot of men falsely increase their actual numbers, and a sex list, which is an accomplishment in their case, may serve as a form of validation for a man’s prowess.

“Oftentimes men are driven to have more than one sexual partner because to be admired by many women, many men think it validates their masculinity and makes them feel special and that they are needed and desired,” he said.

But, a deeper issue, according to Dr Bailey, is the possibility of these men having psychological issues, which include borderline personality disorder.

“It is often men with low self-esteem that need to be validated by women. It often suggests an individual with a borderline personality disorder and in fact may be hypersexuality, which could be due to upbringing and a desperate attempt to achieve love.”

He added that a lot of these men may not like women, but might be having sex as an expression of power.

“It might be that he is obsessed with the need to control or dominate women or use them as a sport or game, where the more virgins he deflowers or the more hearts he breaks, the greater he feels,” Dr Bailey said.

“The individual might also be suffering from sexual addiction. A sexual addict finds it very difficult to get gratification from any sexual partner and the person does not really enjoy sex. He or she is trying to find love and moves from flower to flower, trying to achieve gratification, and even though he’s looking for love he is unable to give love because of his upbringing and socialisation.”