Signs you need to get divorced now
BOTH of you stood before the pastor at the altar and recited your marriage vows; you made a pact to remain through the worst conditions and stay together until death. But when the rubber hits the road, it’s usually a different ball game, which more often ends in divorce.
From a biblical perspective you are allowed two exception clauses — sexual immorality and abandonment by an unbeliever — but forgiveness and counselling is also encouraged. But when not in the church, other factors also play a part in divorce.
Whichever side you’re on, when faced with a difficult situation in a marriage, oftentimes couples end up playing the guessing game as to whether they should try to mend the broken pieces of their relationship or just call it quits.
Below are the signs you definitely need to call it quits.
1. Your partner is abusive
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said if you are in a volatile relationship in which there is a high degree of emotional, psychological and physical abuse, and your life is at risk and the perpetrator (abuser) shows no remorse or unwillingness to seek help, then it’s best to move on. “Such a relationship is dysfunctional and offers little chance of ever improving, either on a personal or couple level,” he said.
2. Infidelity
According to Powell, there are instances where one or both partners have been unfaithful and have decided to continue down the infidelity road ignoring all the stop signs. He explained that, in such a scenario, the offended partner may wish to save the marriage by engaging the services of a marriage therapist, but the offending partner may decide not to participate. “He or she may choose instead to terminate the relationship or if it’s a man, he would want his wife and sweetheart to be friends. As much as some men would desire such an arrangement, this is not legal and so he has to make a choice to remain with his legally married spouse or not,” he said.
3. Homosexuality
The relationship counsellor said there are odd cases where a woman is married to a man only to find out later that he is either bisexual or homosexual. “Some would say she never signed up for this and so was deceived by the man and that she has all right to exit the relationship,” Powell said.
4. No more love
Powell said regardless of the matrimonial oath “till death do us part”, many people opt to leave instead of remaining in a loveless marriage. “There are instances where the partners have grown apart and fallen out of love, and even though they have engaged in counselling and sought to reignite the love flame there is still no spark,” he said.
Other signs that would warrant a divorce include emotional detachment, disinterest in marital responsibilities, withdrawal from intimacy, resentment towards spouse, anger towards spouse, individuation, and lack of communication.
“When it’s no longer ‘we’ but ‘I’, there is a problem. This disunity can be your partner spending a lot of time with other activities, such as social media, work, friends, and far less time at home,” Powell said.
— KIMBERLEY HIBBERT
