Should you make the first move?
A woman making the first move may still be highly frowned upon, but many are still arming themselves with the confidence to make their feelings known to the men they have their eyes set on.
“For years men have faced the humiliation and scorn of being rejected by women. I find nothing wrong with a woman making the first move, as long as she has good reasons to believe I would be interested in her and if not, as long as she’s prepared to hear, ‘I’m sorry, I don’t see you in that light’,” said Neville Blackwood, a merchandiser who welcomes this new brand of woman.
Kathryn Armstrong, a cashier, said a woman being strong and confident equates to being sexy, and will elicit admiration from the male, even though he may not necessarily be interested.
“Being confident goes a long way. Show him you can manage being disappointed and most importantly, that you are not afraid to go for what you want — him. Opportunities are not lost, they are given to other people, so go for it, even if he says no. If he is a decent man he will admire your efforts and respect you for accepting the turn-down with grace,” she said.
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said in situations where women make the first move, two things need to be examined.
“If you need something, you then have to be a go-getter and pursue it whether it be education, career or relationship. If things are pre-determined, then school, career and relationships will fall into place without much personal effort. If a woman is single and needs companionship that she believes a member of the opposite sex will provide, then the same principle applies,” said Powell.
He added that women have been socialised not to come on to men, but to wait patiently for them to make their move. But, he said, the men might also be waiting patiently for the women to make a move.
“The truth is he may be a shy guy and so he is afraid to approach her. Women today are more assertive and are go-getters, and will not hesitate to approach a guy they like or are interested in. The act of making the first move is not the problem; it’s the when and the how that need to be considered. Timing and motive are essential elements that ought to be considered as well,” Powell said.
When making the first move, Powell suggests you do NOT do the following:
1. Offer your body as a means to an end.
2. Bad-mouth his present or ex-girlfriend in order get his interest.
3. Present yourself as an available option, especially if he has just ended a relationship and is still in the grieving process.
4. Try to get between him and his baby’s mother, especially if they have good thing going.
5. Threaten or present ultimatums, especially if has no interest in making any changes.
6. Crowd him with telephone and text messages.
7. Tell him you want to get married next year or sooner.
8. Tell him you want a child with him.
9. Get pregnant for him in a bid to secure his love.
10. Deliberately run into his friends and family, introducing yourself as his girlfriend without his agreement.
— KIMBERLEY HIBBERT
