Mom alienating dad
Dear Mrs Macaulay, Every time I disagree with my ex, and every time she hears that I am dating someone, she says things like, ‘Don’t bother coming to pick up your daughter this weekend’. She also refuses to let me attend school events unless I agree to pay extra money outside of the maintenance order. Recently, our child graduated and she said I was not invited, because I complained that the graduation package price was too much. I attended anyway, but had to sit at the back, and wasn’t allowed to take photos with the school photographer. What can I do if she’s withholding my parenting time? We have a court order for maintenance, but not for access.
It is very aggravating to keep hearing of mothers who stupidly, and in breach of their own children’s rights, deny the fathers access, and additionally, in your case, extort extra money to “permit” you to attend your child’s school events. The mother is completely wrong and is so ill-informed as not to know that you are equally entitled to legal custody of your child!
I am happy you attended the graduation, though you had to sit at the back. The mother was completely wrong, factually and legally, to deny you access to having your photos taken. Her denial of your access because she hears that you are dating someone is so wrong, because that is none of her business, and it brings into question whether she is only stupid and still bitter about your break-up, or if she is just incapable of putting her child’s welfare before her own pettiness.
Well, I applaud your persistence in pushing for your right to have your access periods with your child and to ensure that your child’s rights to have a relationship with you and your family are upheld. The law is with you in this regard.
It is unfortunate that when you were in court for your child’s maintenance, you did not at that time make your own applications, rather than relying on your ex to honour what you both had agreed and set in place for access to your child.
I am happy to advise you to go back to the court which made the maintenance order, and ask them to assist you to apply for legal custody of your child — as I mentioned above, you have the same and equal right as your ex to have a legal custody order made in your favour. This is secured for you in the Children (Guardianship and Custody) Act. You should ask that your application be that you and your ex have “joint legal custody”. You would clearly be recognising that the mother has as much right as you to have legal custody. This would mean that you both would have the legal right to make all important life and developmental issues for and about your child — such as schools, church and religious education, all health decisions, etcetera.
Since your ex now has de facto “care and control” of your child, which means that the child resides ordinarily with her, with you having access, you should apply for access of every other weekend, one-half of all school holidays, and alternating special days like birthdays, Christmas, New Year and Easter weekend. Ask that all this is specifically detailed in your application and consequently in the order of the court.
You should also ask that the existing maintenance order remains as is or with any necessary variations, and that your ex be ordered to attend counselling sessions as the welfare of your child is being adversely affected by her continuous petty jealousy and disregard of the effects of her denials of your access on the child’s emotional and mental state. Therapy is clearly needed for your ex in the best interests of your child.
So please go to the Family Court which made the maintenance order (if you have a copy of the order, take it with you, if not at least the date it was made) and have your applications made.
You are entitled to have trouble-free access, and your child is entitled to have a relationship with you, all for the child’s wholesome development.
All the very best.
Margarette May Macaulay is an attorney-at-law, Supreme Court mediator, notary public, and women’s and children’s rights
advocate. Send questions via e-mail to allwoman@jamaicaobserver.com. All responses are published. Mrs Macaulay cannot provide personal responses.
