How to get him to leave
THE writing is on the wall, your relationship is going nowhere, but your man won’t take a hint and leave. How do you nudge him along nicely?
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says one of the reasons he may refuse to leave could be the fact that he feels embarrassed to have received marching orders; he is the jealous type who can’t deal with rejection and refuses to let go even if you have moved on; or he has received mixed messages from you and so he does not take your threat or decision seriously, especially if you tell him it’s over and next week he is in your bed again.
“If you have made a decision to terminate the relationship, you must be resolute and not have stop-and-go moments,” Powell says.
“Some people terminate their husbands/boyfriends, wives/girlfriends relationships and engage in occasional or arranged sexual hook-ups. If that is the arrangement then he will not want to leave, and before you know it he is not only fully back in your bed, but in your heart.”
Here is how to get him to go.
1. Move out
Powell says if you can leave the home you share, do so and don’t return. “Avoid the temptation of stopping by to check up on him. If you are invited to stop by for dinner, tell him thanks for the invitation but say you would rather not.”
2. Help him out
If he is at your place, Powell suggests you help him put his belongings together and don’t forget to take back your keys.
3. Ignore conversations at all costs
“Avoid his phone calls and if you do receive them keep the conversation quite civil but to the point. Don’t engage in any kind of steamy conversations that could cause a rekindling of the emotional fire,” he advises.
4. Write it if you can’t speak it
Powell says sometimes words expressed on paper can have a long and lasting effect, so if you can’t have a face-to-face talk with him, then express your feelings in writing and tell him exactly how you feel and why you have come to your decision.
5. Part in peace
The relationship counsellor advises that a peaceful parting needs to take place. “Don’t get violent and create a scene by throwing out his clothes on the street or burning his belongings. In the same way the coming together was not marked by a commotion, the separation should not be.”
Powell adds that in a marital situation, it is always best to seek counselling to help in the resolution of the issues before you decide to walk, unless your life is in danger.
“In this case make a hasty retreat, and taking out a restraining order might be necessary,” he says.
