Lovers that are best kept secret
How could something so wrong be so right? That’s the question Atlantic Starr asked in the song Secret Lovers, that had many women swooning back in the day. How we longed for that kind of forbidden passion.
It’s this forbidden fruit that excites many people in these types of relationships; it’s a welcome change from the mundane monotony that many relationships are. The thrill of the chase, of possibly being found out, can add excitement that many crave.
Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill said secrets are never good things to keep, though, as they can destroy people when exposed.
“The cultural stigma or boundaries placed on certain things may cause people to become embarrassed or afraid of their reputations being stained,” Dr McGill said.
He added that secret relationships usually arise when there is a power differential, wherein someone possesses more power than the other person, whether by personality, age or finances.
“In this case the risky approach may make the relationship exciting and increase the orgasmic experiences. However, the danger steps it up a few notches from what is acceptable.”
Below are some examples of relationships that are best kept secret.
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1. One with your boss
According to Dr McGill, this is an example of a power differential in which the employee is the more vulnerable party. Confessing to such a relationship can cost the individual their job and reputation, especially if the boss has a family.
2. Being involved with your pastor
Such a disclosure would bring shame to the church, the man of the cloth and his family. Dr McGill said apart from the expected morals of being a pastor, most are married and such an act would be adulterous and affect the integrity of the church.
3. A friend’s mother/father
Though they say age is just a number, an affair with a much older woman or man is usually frowned upon by society. What makes it worse is if the older person is married and has children who are your friends or associates. Dr McGill said this will bring humiliation to the family and chances are the friendship will deteriorate.
4. A friend’s partner
Nothing is a bigger betrayal than having an affair with your best friend’s partner. According to Dr McGill, this is someone you would have trusted and probably shared intimate details with in search of advice for your own relationship. Learning a friend has betrayed you in such a way would affect you psychologically.
5. Married heterosexuals moving towards homosexuality
In this case, Dr McGill again advises the use of a professional counsellor. “Speak to a bonafide friend or counsellor — someone you can trust to not spread your business, and get help,” he said.
