Pros and cons of remaining friends with your ex
WHEN a relationship ends, one of the decisions you’ll have to make is determining what role your ex will play in your life. If the split was acrimonious, chances are you’ll want to sever all ties for good; if not, you may want to maintain a friendship.
There are several pros and cons to choosing to remain friends, and below relationship counsellor Wayne Powell explains.
Pros
1. You will maintain a cordial and civil relationship
Powell said if you see each other at the supermarket and one or both of you is with your new partner, a friendship would make it easier to say hello and even make introductions if necessary.
2. You can give assistance
“It is OK to give a helping hand to him or her when there is a genuine call for help,” Powell said.
3. Good parenting
Considering there is a child or children involved, Powell said being friends would maintain a good parental relationship and would be in the best interest of the child or children.
4. They can assist you
According to Powell, while this person may not be good for you as a romantic partner, he or she may possess other qualities or skills, such as being a good financial adviser, and so may be able to provide assistance to you.
Cons
1. Rekindling of old flames
Powell said if there is no closure to the relationship and there is a likelihood that the sparks might re-ignite, then you may want to stay away.
2. Problems for a new relationship
Powell said maintaining a relationship with your ex might create problems with your new partner. “If continued contact with your ex is going to create problems with your new partner, stay away,” he said.
3. Problems for you ex’s relationship
The relationship counsellor said continued contact with you ex can create problems for his or her new partner and in that instance it is also best to stay away.
4. Casual sex
“If remaining friends means regular ‘hook-ups’, then don’t,” he said.
5. You are vulnerable
Powell said if you are still grieving the loss of the partner and you are emotionally vulnerable, then it’s best to keep your distance until you’re at the place where you can effectively manage the hurt.
–KH
