Before you date a single mother…
So your dream woman is a package deal. What now? How do you effectively date a single mother?
Authors Denecia Green (Lies, Sex & Betrayal) and Amelia Thompson (Sexual Encounters) share some practical steps for traversing this journey.
1. Know that liking children is completely different from raising children
You might be accustomed to being uncle of the year or having an awesome time with your little cousins, nephews or nieces but this isn’t the same as cleaning up vomit at 2:00 am or being worn out by a child who refuses to sleep at ungodly hours of the morning. Instead of pretending you know all about raising children, be humble and ask her questions about what she loves about being a mom, or her kids’ interests. Admit that you have never seen Teletubbies or Frozen. While you may have great ideas about how you think she could do things, it is not your business to intervene until you are functioning as a family unit, which takes time, honesty and patience.
2. Don’t play the “lets see how the night goes” and “stay out all night” cards
Dating a single mom may mean saying goodbye to long nights or after parties. It’s something you have to accept if you want to do it.
3. Throw everything you know about spontaneous fun out the window
Be ready for an iron-clad calendar when dating a single mother. You will be at the mercy of parent teacher’s meetings, conferences, picking up from extra lessons or extra-curricular activities. There will be little or no Sunday fun days or sleep for long hours until those mini people are old enough to prepare their own meals.
4. Games with her kids are the only ones she wants to play
Single moms have much more to worry about than playing your games. Don’t waste her valuable time by waiting for days to return missed calls or answering messages because you are playing hard to get. Playing these petty games can backfire dramatically when she decides that you are more trouble than you’re worth. Besides, if either of you want something long-term, then honesty will be a very important factor.
5. Her ex might still be in the picture
One of the most challenging hurdles for men to overcome when dating single mothers is the fact that the ex-husbands or boyfriends may still be around caring for the children. It may seem a bit awkward at first but if you are dating a seasoned single mother you have no reason to be worried. If she gets along with her child’s father then be cool and supportive; if she doesn’t, still be cool about it. Whatever the situation is, never talk badly about him in front of her kids.
6. There will be no beating around the bush
The simple truth is, you cannot accept a single mother without accepting her children. They are a package deal. A single mother may be looking for marriage so that she may have a father for her children, or she may simply need your assistance to raise her child if marriage is not an option. If you are not prepared for this, be honest and end the relationship before you get close to her and her children. She is likely to put her children before you so when you call her for a date, she may not be available.
