When his family isn’t into you
A woman who is in a relationship with a man whose family doesn’t fancy her is usually forced to fight for acceptance. But should you even bother with trying to win their approval? Does it matter if his family likes you or not?
A decision to fight for acceptance is totally up to you. It certainly makes things less stressful for the relationship when his family likes you, but some women couldn’t care less. As long as the men are happy, they are good; after all, they aren’t marrying the family.
However you wish to look at it, once you are in that man’s life, you will be affected if his family isn’t into you. How you and your partner deal with it will determine the longevity of your relationship.
The struggle for acceptance is not limited to the women either. While women want to be accepted by their men’s families, men also want to be accepted by their women’s families. For the woman, if the man is close to his mother, winning the heart of the mother-in-law is important, for if mama isn’t into you, your goose is cooked. On the other hand, the man wants to win over his woman’s dad, who is often the one who gives him the hardest time.
It is very helpful when a woman who finds herself in an unwelcoming family has a man with backbone. Whilst some men will try their best to remain balanced in these situations, it is very difficult not to choose sides. Some will ostracise their families in support of the women in their lives, others will often defend their families when the frustrated girlfriends lash out at them, and this can cause serious tension and disquiet in the relationships.
How much does it matter if the man’s family is into you or not? As long as you are both happy, who cares what his family thinks of you?
While some women are blessed with having great relationships with their men’s families, some aren’t. So here are some insights that could help a woman manage the situation.
1. A man does not like to choose between his woman and his family. He might love you dearly, but he does not want to choose, so as best as possible, be respectful to his family regardless of how they behave towards you. If you take the high ground, he will have even more reason to be proud of his choice of woman and quite possibly, one day his family will realise that you are deserving of their respect.
2. Often it’s the females in his family who give you a hard time. Women are often very mean to each other and sometimes you do not need to do anything for the man’s mother or sisters to dislike you. You have their son’s or brother’s heart and that means you are a threat, especially if they share a very close relationship. If you’ve been on your best behaviour, have treated the man well, and can’t figure out why his family dislikes you, it’s possible they have no reason. Just keep being a good woman to the man, remain respectful to his family, and don’t talk badly about them as he won’t be happy about that.
3. Your intuition is often correct
You could quickly dismiss what his mother or sisters think about you, but he might not. Women are pretty good at summing up each other so he could very well be watching keenly to see if you will turn out to be who they might have told him you really are. Just be yourself and don’t wear a mask to impress his family, for the day will come when that mask comes off.
Although a woman has to be smart about her approach to dealing with a man’s family who might be determined to make her life hell, the man also must show backbone in dealing with the situation. Don’t allow your family to continually disrespect your lady, and if you know your mother is treating her unfairly, be a man and tell her so.
Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl, or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
