The pitfalls of DATING an OLDER MAN
DATING an older man can have its perks — upward social mobility, wise advice, maturity, resources and a host of other things, but despite the glitz and glamour, there can be a few disadvantages.
While such a relationship might provide upward social mobility for the younger person and people might argue that age is just a number, there are certain conditionalities that come with dating a man your senior, especially if he’s twice or thrice your age.
Ivret Williams, counselling psychologist, said age is not really just a number and there are differences in health, ideologies and people’s lifestyles that come with the era they’re from.
Below she explains some of the disadvantages.
1. Controlling
Williams said the older man can be controlling from several angles. He may say that he comes to the table with more resources and it might end up being an, ‘I know more than you, I’m more experienced, more powerful’ sort of thing. “The fact is a woman will not talk to an older man who can’t provide for her and he will more than likely be able to afford the things she would not be getting otherwise,” she said.
2. Jealousy
“The age range is always a factor. Experts say if either sex is up to 10 years older then it is usually not a problem, but once you pass that threshold it’s like dealing with a different generation as the ideologies and way of life are usually different,” she said. Williams added that the older man may be set in his ways and bring an approach to say, ‘I’m used to fried chicken, so don’t give me jerk’. She also said that he might be adventurous and might want to know what’s happening with the younger generation.
3. Different interests
The counselling psychologist said the older man might not share the interests of the younger person, which can be problematic and lead to jealousy. “This happens most when he sees her hanging out with a younger male, especially if he is not as virile as he used to be, and he may start to think to himself, ‘Am I able to satisfy her?’ and might even start limiting the time she spends with her friends,” she said.
4. Health differences
“Age is definitely not just a number here,” Williams said. But she said while there are older men who are fit and don’t have pot bellies, as you age illnesses may step in and in such instances things may fall apart. “As you get older you get weaker, so be prepared for that,” she explained.
5. You may be left out in the cold
“He may have children and you may not be a part of his legacy, whereas if it was a younger man closer to your age, you could work together and build a life,” Williams said.
6. The offspring may have abnormalities
Williams said research shows that if the man or woman is significantly older in the relationship, then a child from the union has an increased chance of being born with autism, Down’s syndrome or another abnormality. “Be mindful of this,” she said.
7. Ridicule
According to Williams, there are older men who really are fit and keep themselves looking good and attractive; however, where the woman is concerned, she may be ridiculed and accused of being with him because of the perks.
