What you’ll have to give up to save your marriage
Many people have idealistic expectations when it comes to marriage. They think that they can still be the same people they were before they got married, but romance author Richie Drenz says this is not so. Below are some things you will have to give up in order to keep your marriage afloat.
1. You have to give up yourself
You’re in a marriage now; you’re not on your own anymore. You have to always remind yourself of this. Marriage is about partnership; you both have to be in sync with the vision for your marriage so that the both of you can move as a unit. When it comes to making decisions, you always have to factor your partner into the equation. If your marriage is going to succeed, then replace your ‘you’ thinking with ‘we’.
2. And having it your way all the time
You will have to compromise and there are no two ways about that. You cannot have it your way all the time and if you insist on having it so then there are going to be problems. If allowed to fester, these problems can cause irreparable damage to your marriage. Sure, it’s important for you to stand your ground on certain issues that you feel passionate about, but it’s also important for you to be able to know when to back down and let the other person give some input. Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
3. Drop your fairy tale expectations about how things are supposed to be
Many women have bought into the dream of the fairy tale of the perfect marriage with the 2.5 children, but the truth is that reality is going to shatter all of that completely. As a couple, you both will have to adjust your expectations a bit (some more than others). As opposed to being individuals, you are going to have to learn to move like a unit. One important technique you can use is that of open communication where you both get the opportunity to share your views and then collectively come to a consensus.
4. And having your family and friends having an input in your life
Before you were married, you may have tolerated having your family and friends constantly providing input into your life. However, now that you are married, something’s got to give. There is a price to be paid when it comes to being in a romantic relationship. You have to be willing to cut loose all those people in your life who insist on being nosy and are hell bent on ensuring that your marriage ends up like theirs. It is important for you to set boundaries from early and more importantly, it is crucial that you respectfully enforce these boundaries.
5. Give up being jealous of every person who is attracted to your mate
The truth is that your partner is physically attractive; which is one of the reasons you decided to marry them in the first place. What is important is that you trust your partner sufficiently and realise that they would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. There is no need for you to be clingy as it is unattractive and it demonstrates how insecure you are in the relationship.
6. And playing the blame game
The blame game can be quite enticing especially when you are used to having things your way all the time. But the thing about the blame game is that it is a cycle which does not stop; it is all consuming of both your time and your energy. A marriage is a fifty-fifty partnership, which requires the couple to be in sync. If you want to save your marriage, stop pointing fingers.
