When there’s no stick for your hoe
THERE is a popular Jamaican proverb that says ‘every hoe have dem stick a bush’, meaning that there is someone special out there for everyone. But many sources, including the Bible, theorise that this isn’t true, as not everyone will meet a life partner and some people are meant to remain single.
In his address to the Corinthians, Paul explains that not everyone will marry, and that some people receive the gift of singleness and some the gift of marriage. Does this mean that single people stop searching?
“Some people say finding Mr Right/Ms Right is similar to finding the missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle that would complete the picture,” says relationship counsellor Wayne Powell.
In Powell’s view, some men say the female partner represents the missing rib (biblical), while others say that God ordained that they should be together. The relationship counsellor says whichever indicators you employ, mate selection for some people is like looking for a needle in a haystack, while for others the search is hassle-free.
“There is no one-size-fits-all formula that works for everyone. Like anything you desire in life, you have to pursue it. The same principle applies to seeking a partner. Whereas for some the process is effortless, many have to expend time and energy,” he says.
Powell adds that for some it’s a period of trial and error until they find the right person, and the key in mate selection is ensuring you make a list of qualities the person must have, ones you can live with and others that you are not prepared to accept — deal breakers.
“It is when we lower the bar that we make bad choices. So if you are in the search mode and the process seems exceptionally long, maybe you need to change your approach,” he advises.
“Instead of patiently waiting for the knight in shining armour to knock at your door, you need to leave the house and be actively engaged in the process.”
However, Powell warns that desperation sets in when some people realise that marriage might not be in their future.
“Desperation makes some people end up in failed marriages even though they know from the outset that the relationship is doomed to failure,” he cautions.
Powell maintains that while you search for Mr Right, make sure that you are working on the personal things that will make you Ms Right.
