How to remain standing after a messy break-up
MOST everyone will at some point experience anger at another person, but the break-up of a relationship is one of the biggest tests of how well we can control negative emotions, especially feelings of anger and rejection. When people are angry, when they feel they have been wronged and are struggling with rejection, be prepared for anything.
Whilst an angry ex can do damage to your reputation, if you remain true to yourself and do not try to match them for each low blow, you will come out still standing. There are several reasons why an angry ex will launch an attack on you:
1. They want to demonise and reduce you in the eyes of people who thought highly of you
Your ex is angry, feeling rejected and is perhaps determined to make you a pariah. Whatever they can do to achieve that objective they will do, so don’t be surprised when people you’ve never discussed your personal affairs with approach you to seek clarification about your personal life.
2.They want to cut off your support system
An angry ex feels wronged. They want everybody on their side so the objective is to get as many of your friends as possible to buy into the negative story and turn against you.
3. They want to control you
Although they can’t physically control you, an angry ex can use psychology and manipulation to control your life without them — for instance, spreading rumours that you are bad person can force you to begin walking on eggshells even though you know you are not that ‘bad’ person they seek to portray.
Consider the following approach to handling a messy break-up
1. No matter what your ex says about you, don’t let him control your reaction. If you are a good and decent person who does not curse people, don’t allow anyone to cause you to behave in a manner that will make you feel bad about yourself afterwards. Your ex’s objective is to draw you out. Your objective should be to maintain your standards in the face of the onslaught. Never allow someone to cause you to behave out of character.
2. Insulting e-mails and texts? Have a good friend filter the e-mails and texts from your ex. If you are the type who is easy to get angry when people accuse you wrongfully, get a trusted friend to filter the communication between yourself and your ex.
3. Change the password to all your e-mail and social media accounts. It’s never wise to leave anything to chance when you are dealing with an angry ex, and that includes access to your e-mails or social media accounts. Change your password and ensure you do not use any password your ex is likely to associate with you.
4. Do not leave yourself open to mischief Be cautious about accepting friend requests from strange people on Facebook and other social media platforms, and under no circumstances should you blindly accept invitations to date strangers you’ve met on Facebook or any other medium.
5. Learn to laugh, but be watchful. Laughing at someone who is trying to destroy you is one of the most effective ways of making them feel they are wasting their time. Your ex’s intention is to make your life miserable. When you laugh about their antics rather than cry, it shows your strength and confuses them in the same way the Devil is confused when you praise in the midst of the storm. However, be mindful that when some people realise that their actions are not having the desired effect on you, they are likely to turn up the heat, so be very watchful.
Marie Berbick aka ‘The PR Girl’, is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePRGirl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
