Why you should schedule sex
IT’S not something that all experts recommend, but couples, in a bid to save their relationships, are resorting to sex scheduling in an attempt to reignite flames that have gone cold because of demanding careers and personal lives.
“Scheduling sex erases the hallmark of romantic, passionate spontaneity, but scheduled sex is certainly better than no sex at all,” said Dr Sidney McGill.
The sex therapist said that although it can be awkward or the mood may just not be right, scheduling sex is often the only way to keep the romance in a couple’s relationship alive when they have family or career issues to contend with daily.
“Partners are busy making an income, growing a family, and this makes them tired most of the time. This gives couples little time or energy for hot, passionate sex on a regular basis,” he explained.
He said that sex is an important part of any committed, intimate relationship, and sometimes one partner’s desire for sex is much stronger that the other’s, but scheduling helps one partner to respect the time and physical and emotional state of the other. He said this is why it is important to schedule sex on days and at times that are mutually convenient.
This would also reduce the likelihood of one partner initiating sex at a time when the other partner has other engagements that they need to attend to.
“Asking for sex when your partner is tired, depressed, frustrated or ill is a major turn-off. It can be seen as uncaring and callous,” Dr McGill said.
With the schedule in place, partners can avoid ruffling their partners’ feathers at a time when they just cannot tend to their sexual desires, and by extension the feeling of rejection that can sometimes come along with it.
But as with any good system, there is a downside to scheduling sex.
Dr McGill warned that it is not healthy to follow this schedule religiously without taking breaks and engaging in spontaneous sex.
“Making sex a routine activity like brushing your teeth should be a temporary plan to get both partners through those challenging times. It must be avoided once a couple can make time for each other,” he said.
He encouraged couples to schedule romantic dinners, movies and anything else that they will both enjoy as part of their sex schedules. He said that alone time, not necessarily sex alone, is also integral to a relationship flourishing.
Regardless of the possible challenges associated with scheduling sex, Dr McGill contends that it may very well be one of the best avenues to save a relationship that has been hampered by little or no sex because a couple simply did not have the time, or didn’t think they did because of their hectic schedules.
“The key point is to intentionally care for your relationship when time together seems scarce,” McGill said.
