He doesn’t love me anymore
Dear Counsellor,
My boyfriend and I have been together for five years, living together for four. He works at night and I work during the day; we see each other maybe two hours a day and a little more over weekends. He says he loves me but is not in love with me anymore. No attention comes from him anymore. What should I do? I am heartbroken.
For a relationship to develop and thrive the partners must spend quality time together. They must communicate on a physical, face-to-face level, verbally and non-verbally. Touching is also a necessary ingredient for the emotional connection to be grounded.
Two hours a day is certainly not enough time to effectively engage each other, but in the circumstances you both have to make those brief moments work to your mutual benefit.
No doubt the extended physical absence contributed to his comment about him not being in love with you anymore. Being with someone for five years would suggest some amount of security and stability in the relationship. However, if he has made such a statement, it can’t be taken lightly. Usually when one partner says he/she is no longer in love he/she wants out and would want to pursue that course of action as soon as possible. Now is the opportune time to have a serious talk with him and find out what needs to be done to save the relationship.
The disparity in available times is not your fault and you should not feel responsible for it. It would be ideal if you both worked similar hours, but it is what it is and he can’t blame you for the situation. The truth is, there are couples who live in different countries and still are able to maintain emotional connections with each other despite the distance. You both have the good fortune of living under the same roof, so concerted efforts must be made to bridge the gap that exists. And it can happen if you both want to make it happen.
In your discussion with your boyfriend you can hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst in case he chooses to follow through with his insinuation.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@ seekingshalom.org.
