My kids don’t like him!
So you had been single for a while. After being in several bad relationships you gave dating a break and focused on you and your children. But now you have met someone — a really nice guy you can see a future with. But there’s a big question mark beside the relationship now because, after the big introduction, your children don’t like him.
Do you sacrifice your happiness for your children? Why can’t you have both? What can you do to make this work?
Child psychologist Camille Lemonious says before introducing the new partner, first you have to make sure that the relationship is serious.
“You have to first decide that this is a serious, serious relationship,” she said. “And you have to be very, very certain about that to a great degree, and that you are not going to introduce somebody else in another year’s time or another two years, or anything like that.”
Also:
1. Slow down. While it may feel like true love, that doesn’t mean he is the one for you; and with children involved, too much is at stake to rush things.
2. Wait six months before you make any form of introductions. Build a relationship with your new man before bringing your children in it. Consider the harm to your children if they become attached to this man and for whatever reason things don’t work out and he disappears. Don’t put your children through a potentially unnecessary emotional roller-coaster.
3. Make their first meetings relaxed and casual. Your children might be more open to meeting your new friend in a group gathering like a party setting, where others are around to take the focus off getting to know each other.
4. Listen to your kids. If they complain about your boyfriend, don’t shut them down. Allow them to express how they feel.
5. Understand what dating means to your children. Seeing you with someone other than their father has now shattered your children’s hope of you and their father getting back together. Make sure that they have had time to genuinely grieve the fact that you won’t be together.
6. Minimise jealousy. Having a new love in your life can trigger jealousy in your children, particularly if you have been single for a while. Don’t reprimand your children for being jealous. Their emotions are only natural. Reassure your children by spending quality time with them.
7. Be aware of your children’s interaction with your new man. Explore the why behind their dislike: ask them why. Your greatest responsibility is protecting your children.
