How to know it’s time to leave
FEELING like an iron balloon in a relationship is not comforting and if this is the feeling you’re experiencing, your next question may be whether or not it is time to pack your things and move on. But apart from the feeling expressed above, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell said if you are in a long-term relationship, but you are very unhappy as your partner displays behaviours or actions that cause you much emotional, mental and physical pain, then you are probably ignoring the obvious red flags, hoping that they will disappear with time.
Powell said to consider the following:
1. Does your partner tease you in a hurtful way in private or in public?
2. Does your partner call you names such as “stupid” or “bitch”?
3. Does your partner act jealous of your friends, family, or co-workers?
4. Does your partner get angry about clothes you wear or how you style your hair?
5. Does your partner check up on you by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to?
6. Has your partner gone places with you or sent someone just to “keep an eye on you”?
7. Does your partner insist on knowing who you talk with on the phone?
8. Does your partner blame you for his problems or his bad mood?
9. Does your partner get angry so easily that you feel like you’re walking on eggshells?
10. Does your partner drive dangerously or do other things to scare you?
11. Does your partner often drink or use drugs?
12. Does your partner insist that you drink or use drugs with him?
13. Have you lost friends or no longer see some of your family because of your partner?
14. Does your partner accuse you of being interested in someone else?
15. Does your partner read your e-mail, go through your purse or search other personal papers?
16. Does your partner keep money from you, keep you in debt, or have money secrets?
17. Has your partner kept you from getting a job or caused you to lose a job?
18. Does your partner threaten to hurt you, your children, family, friends, or pets?
19. Does your partner force you to have sex when you do not want to?
20. Does your partner force you to have sex in ways that you do not want to?
21. Does your partner threaten to kill you or himself if you leave?
22. Is your partner like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde — acting one way in front of other people and another way when you are alone?
The relationship counsellor said if your answer is affirmative to most of the above questions, you are definitely involved in a dysfunctional relationship and you need to make a decision that will ensure your peace of mind and physical well-being.
“Ignoring the red flags is akin to deliberately walking in the path of an oncoming train; you are bound to be destroyed,” he said.
