Signs he’s emotionally unavailable
WOMEN are indeed more emotional beings than men and present more obvious signs when having emotional turmoil.
As such, it can take a while to realise that a man is not in an emotionally stable place, and not ready for a relationship.
How can you tell? Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says it usually comes down to whether the partner in question reciprocates the same amount of care you put into the relationship, in addition to other things. Below he outlines some signs that may indicate that your man is emotionally unavailable.
1. He is never there for you
Powell said if he is never there when you need him, or is always busy and never finds time for you, he may have other things dealing with and you’re not a priority of his.
2. He never takes you out
If something as simple as a walk in the park or a date night every now and then is difficult for him, Powell says this man may be at a place where he doesn’t want to be seen with anyone or he is afraid of committing.
3. He shows zero affection
If he always seems distant and shows no form of affection, even during sex, Powell says he could be at a different place emotionally and is not interested in you for anything other than what you are offering him.
4. He never gives you anything
The relationship counsellor said if this man never gives you a gift, pays a bill for you, bails you out when it is necessary — which would indicate empathy — then he may not be thinking of you in a serious light.
5. He never says emotive words
If he has never shown you that he cares, or used the words ‘I love you’ in a genuine way, then he may be just physically available and nothing else.
Powell said if you can identify with such a situation, it is time to wake up from your slumber and realise that this is a recipe for emotional and psychological distress.
He suggests giving thought to the following:
1. No relationship can be successfully sustained on an “I give…you take; you take …I give” basis. “Soon the giver is going to be tired of giving all the time when there is no reciprocal action,” he said.
2. Living in denial and burying your head in the sand when the situation is staring you in the face is a silly thing to do. “Sooner than later you will be made to confront the reality,” Powell said.
3. Pay attention to the warning signs. “Don’t ignore the behaviour patterns you may have seen in the initial stages of the relationship. Some people may have seen the tendencies before marriage and proceeded with the feeling that he will change after the ring is put on. Wishful thinking!” Powell cautioned.
4. For you to say, “A suh him stay, so mi wi jus live wid it” is a defeatist approach and will let your man off the hook and so he will never try to improve.”Challenge him to make the adjustments,” Powell urged.
5. “Some men by virtue of their socialisation don’t openly express affection, so you have to teach them how to be emotional. Gently lead and guide them along the way. Please do not compare your present spouse to your former boyfriend who was super affectionate,” he said.
Powell said if you’re in a relationship and you’ve tried all of the above and there is still no change, then the appropriate questions would be, “Is this worth my time and effort? Is it really worth it?”
