Will a cheater cheat again?
‘ONCE a cheater, always a cheater’, is understandably the response of anyone who has been cheated on. But many cheaters, in their defence, have argued that their cheating encounter was a one-off thing, that they have vowed will never happen again.
But are the grips of infidelity possible to escape from?
Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says this line of argument is synonymous to the saying, “All men are dogs”. He pointed out that the man will embrace the fallacy and so behaves like a dog, and by the same token the woman reinforces the misconception by excusing her man’s flirtatious behaviour.
“The truth is, this [cheating] is a learned behaviour and so [it] can be unlearned if the person wishes to address it squarely. The fact that your father was or is a womaniser does not mean that you must follow suit. In the same way, if he was or is a thief, does that mean you will become one as well?”
He added: “It therefore means that people make choices depending on the personal benefits to be derived and so should take responsibility for their actions. That is the fundamental difference between the lower animals and humans.”
He thus said that if someone cheats once, it does not necessarily mean that it must happen again.
“Cheating will only reoccur if you allow it to happen and to say “a so man stay” or “the devil made me do it”. That is a cop out. Exercise self-control,” Powell advised.
Below readers share their views:
Desrine:
If he cheats once he’ll do it again, of course. A leopard never changes its spots. I’ve proven this time and time again.
Kevroy:
I have tried and failed to be faithful in my relationships. I believe cheating is like cocaine or alcohol — you could recover but there is no guarantee that you are cured. I’m like that with cheating I turn into a zombie. Once I do it, especially if I’m not caught, I always will want to do it.
Jasmine:
I believe people can change. I was no saint in my day. I eventually settled down with my husband of almost 20 years and I have never been with another man since the day that he came into my life. I have never from that day wanted another man so you’d best believe that to cheat or not to cheat is all in your head. It is a decision you make.
Telly:
I believe with age a person can change. A lot a time it’s not love, it’s just a simple reaction to a woman. You get aroused by it and if she’s willing, you are just going to want to take it. When you’re younger you want get all the experience and more, even while you hurt the woman who loves and respects you. When you’re older you realise that some things aren’t even worth doing anymore.
Kim:
I’m not even sure where I stand on this but I know that while some people can change, it seems like cheating is imprinted in others’ DNAs. It is a complex issue because I’ve seen people change with maturity and as they begin to appreciate the person that they have decided to share their heart with. But I’ve seen others get wrapped deeper and deeper in temptations of the flesh and no matter how many times they promise to change, or no matter how well they are handling being faithful, they slip into the old habit again. I guess it depends on who you are.
Edward:
If you did it once, you will do it again. Even if not physically, then in your mind. Cheating is a dangerous disease, believe it or not, and we give in to it because once you make yourself weak, you’re like its slave.
