Between-the-sheets fails
AWKWARD sex is sometimes inevitable — from stumbling or saying something silly, to more serious encounters like a penile fracture. And while some of these encounters are forgiveable and even laughable, there are other cringe-inducing experiences that are beyond strange and gross, that will involuntarily form part of your permanent memory.
Below, a few
All Woman readers shared their gasp-worthy awkward sexual encounters:
Elton:
We had just had almost two bottles of wine, one was actually sparkling water, but anyway, we had a lot of liquid in our bodies. We were having really rough intercourse, but after about 15 minutes or so I started feeling dizzy. I had the urge to throw up, but I couldn’t dismount soon enough and I vomited all over her back and in her hair. She was screaming uncontrollably, just not for the reason I wanted her to.
Jev:
My girl was gyrating and bouncing like a mad bunny when I heard a loud crack, and for a moment we thought that she had broken it. We watched it for several minutes and since it wasn’t painful or swollen, we just continued.
Shanny:
My mouth was getting tired and suddenly I had some sort of jaw spasm right in the middle of pleasuring him. I couldn’t move my jaws for about a minute, so you can imagine how awkward that was. Luckily, soon all was back to normal.
Petra:
He’s a gym freak so of course he had a nice body, but I couldn’t let go of that niggling thought about buff guys having big muscles but small Johnsons. Well, he assured me that all that was a myth, even though he insisted on getting busy with the lights off. During foreplay I did some mental mathematics, and deduced that he was average. Well, boy, was I wrong, and I soon realised why I got a grade four in CXC math. The regular sized condom wouldn’t fit, and I didn’t feel a thing.
Bryan:
I’m a big guy, and I like small women. I met this girl who was my type — tiny, perfect butt, nice breasts. She had shown me photos of her in her bathing suit, so I had no doubt that she was packing a nice body. But our bedroom session was disappointing, to say the least. She disrobed in the bathroom, but I soon realised that the pertness I’d seen was from padded underwear and bras. I don’t know how she had managed to distort her swimsuit photos, but underneath her clothes, she was like a boy, and nothing like how she initially presented herself.
Katana:
This wasn’t a bedroom fail, more like a bathroom fail. We were being experimental and decided to move things to the bathtub, as it was a hot night. My tub is one of those units made with blocks, and the landlord had chosen tiles for charm, not for safety. Needless to say, he picked me up, just like we’d seen Paul do with Sarah in
Orphan Black which we’d been binge watching on Netflix. But then down we went, as he slipped on the wet tiles. My head hit the faucet and I was fine, but he ended up with a head gash from the sharp edge of the tub when he fell out. The rest of the night had me cleaning up blood, bandaging wounds, and helping him recover.
