Signs he’s lying
EVERYONE has some form of dirty laundry that they have kept secret for fear of being judged, being embarrassed, or even being ridiculed. Some people keep theirs hidden, others will embellish the facts if there’s any interest from their partner in learning the details.
If your partner lies to you, or rather does not give you the unvarnished truth, this can leave you feeling betrayed. But on the other hand, learning that your partner used to indulge in behaviours he didn’t want you to know about, such as serial infidelity, kinky sex or gay flings, can seriously rock the foundations of any good relationship.
For this reason, Denecia Green, author of Lies Sex and Betrayal, does not advise probing too deeply into your partner’s past sexual history. Revelations about previous encounters may leave you doubting or questioning everything you thought you knew about your partner. Green stated that if someone loves you or is seriously interested in dating you, then they should be mature, open and honest enough to share information about both past and present experiences. Your past experiences shouldn’t result in your partner liking you any less.
She added that if your relationship has not been affected so far by a shocking revelation of his past, then try not to make a big deal of the situation provided that there are no future implications. Let it be, and move on.
However, Green gives a few signs to look out for to determine if he is lying about the important stuff:
1. His story is never the same
Pay attention to the details your boyfriend gives you when he is telling you something. Green advises that you bring up the subject at a later date or ask a follow-up question to something he shared that didn’t add up. Often the story is never the same if he is lying. It is also important to pay attention to his body language. When someone lies, they feel a little uncomfortable and worried about getting caught, so chances are there will be minor changes in his attitude towards you. For example, he may be edgy or may find it difficult to make eye contact with you.
2. He gets defensive
If he gets really defensive every time you ask him about his past liaisons, it might indicate that he is withholding information from you and is freaking out about you finding out.
3. He accuses you of lying all the time
Sometimes when people feel guilty about their own lies, they try to somewhat shift the blame. If your guy counteracts your probing questions with questions of his own, or he somehow manages to make himself the victim in the situation, he could very well be distracting you.
4. He never provides you with details
Green stated that you shouldn’t grill him for details but rather ask innocent-sounding questions, addressing your concerns about his past liaisons. If he keeps saying, ‘Um, I don’t remember’, makes frequent long pauses, or if he blows up about it, it’s probably because he is withholding information from you.
5. He’s weird with his phone
Green stated that she would never advise you to search your boyfriend’s phone, but keeping an eye on how he acts with it is OK if you suspect he’s lying. Does he constantly keep it with him, even if he’s just running to the bathroom? Do you notice him deleting every text or e-mail he gets? Does he freak out if you touch it when it goes off? If he’s crazy private about his phone or any other personal device, it could be because there are things on there he doesn’t want you to see.
6. You have a gut feeling
Lastly, no one knows your boyfriend better than you do. You may go through all the signs above and still be unable to pinpoint whether he is lying to you. Trust yourself and go with your gut feeling. If you have a serious feeling that he is being dishonest, he probably is. Often we have these feelings because we’re right.
