Hell hath no fury like a man cheated on

THEY say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but that’s not exactly true. Hell hath no fury like a man cheated on! Ask any man what he fears most in a relationship, and his response won’t refer to losing his money. It’s giving his heart to a woman who cheats on him or who leaves him for another man.

Men are hunters, and they are very competitive and territorial about their women. A man can own a host of material things that he cherishes, but he is better able to deal with losing material things than he is at dealing with being cheated on. Even if he has other women, that special woman who has his heart must not cheat. She belongs to him, and encroachment by another man on his territory is not only seen as daring and disrespectful, but leaves him totally demoralised.

If she cheats on him, it is as though a rug has been swept from under his feet ­— a massive blow to that feeling of being the king of the hill. This is because ego is a major part of what sustains a man in a relationship, and being cheated on is a huge blow to his ego.

One of the toughest things for a man whose woman cheats on him to do, is having to block out the thoughts of her in bed with another man. Men are visual beings with photographic minds, especially when it comes to sex, so a man who has been cheated on immediately begins to conjure up images of the other man being intimate with his woman, and it drives him nuts.

These graphic mental images can push a man over the edge if he suspects that his woman might be cheating. Right away he begins to think about his own sexual encounters with his woman, her expressions and reactions, then he conjures up images of her in similar scenes of intimacy with this other man. His mind goes into overdrive trying to figure whether she considers the other man a better lover than he is.

Here’s another tough scenario for man who has been cheated on: He might have other women and might do things with them that he does not do with his woman at home. If she cheats, he imagines the new lover engaging her in acts that he has performed with his other women, and that kills him. When it comes to cheating, it is easier for him to give than to take.

Men understand each other. A man might cheat and boast to his friends about his sexual encounters with other women. He is OK with beating his chest as long as he doesn’t think that his own woman is cheating on him, because a healthy ego is an important part of what defines him as ‘the man’ in a relationship.

In one of my little sessions with male friends last week, I was schooled that some men also extend their territorial rights to their other women. It’s just a man thing. One of the men in the focus group explained it like this: A man might be able to deal with a side woman who has been involved with 49 other men before he came into the picture. However, number 51 must not happen. She stops with him, number 50, and that’s that. If she gets involved with number 51 he views it as cheating although he has his bona fide woman at home.

The knowledge among men of how they think, how they view sex and cheating, is what makes a man so afraid to trust another man around his woman. A man wants to be able to own his woman and shout it from the mountain top that she is faithful to him. A woman who holds a man’s heart can do serious damage to him if she cheats, for she has power over his ego. The truth is that men, despite their tough facade, are all too human, and quite vulnerable emotionally.

Marie Berbick is a motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Follow her on Twitter @thePR Girl or e-mail marieberbick@gmail.com