A father’s push for paternity leave
VAUGHN is a 34-year-old first-time father-to-be. He is deliriously happy about meeting his first born; however, there is a single thorn in Vaughn’s side.
While his 28-year-old wife Vanessa will have time to bond with their child, three months to be exact, Vaughn is worried that he will be but a mere shadow in the life of his child for the first most important weeks of the child’s life.
“I have been so frustrated, shaken, really shaken, and shocked that fathers are, basically, if working, not given time to bond with their children. I don’t breastfeed and that is true, but I can cradle. I could help with the daily management of my child’s life, and equally important, I can help my partner who is already having a difficult pregnancy to cope,” Vaughn said.
“What about the possibilities of post-partum depression having considered the stress of her pregnancy?” Vaughn questioned.
He said especially having made the decision to move two parishes away from their families so that they could latch on to their careers and grow, they are without immediate familial support.
“Certainly we don’t want to root up our families from their lives and their jobs to come to our home when little Josh is born, but I don’t want to miss the signs should my wife be ill, God forbid, or stay at work dying with hurry because of the stress little Josh is putting her through with his demands. I believe that my place should be there with them and I shouldn’t have to be cooking up a week-long doctor’s note. There should be something in place for us fathers,” Vaughn argued.
“I am not saying that I need an entire three months for bonding or caring for our child while my wife recuperates, but I need a few weeks to ensure that my wife heals and is in good shape, as well as that my son is well cared for and has the support and attention that he needs. If you should check the statistics, you will find that more and more men are likely to become involved in the day-to-day activities like bathing, making breakfast, and assisting their children with homework. The fact is, they recognise their huge responsibilities, they have a bond with their children, and it’s almost mental – the belief that your child needs you and you should act.
“I know, because I felt this when I was younger with my nephew. Just being there can mean a lot,” Vaughn said.
He said that sometimes society is quick to judge when the principles are not engendered and while grown men should not be told to be more involved in their children’s lives, “encouragement sweetens labour”.
“We tell men to ‘man up’ all the time and be there for our children, be more involved,” he said.
He said that workplaces should try to facilitate paternal leave also in cases of adoption and foster parenting if only for two weeks because children, regardless of their ages, are delicate, they crave attention, and they desire love. This, he said, can only be fully achieved with time.
