How to know he’ll be good in bed

YOU may not think that there’s a way of truly knowing that a man is good in bed while he is still clothed; after all, his grade in bed is not stamped on his forehead. But over time, some women, by instinct or observation, have been able to make accurate assumptions about a man’s ability to dance between the sheets by taking note of his actions or attitude.

But sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill warned about assumptions.

“You cannot really tell that the prospective male lover is good in bed until you have had sex with him. And then the initial few sexual experiences may not be representative of what it will be like in the future,” Dr McGill said.

“So much of lovemaking is an expression of self-affirmation and self-confidence being transmuted towards the other partner to the degree that both are able to express it. His sexual performance, therefore, is dependent on how he feels about his past sexual experiences and intimate relationships and a lot about how he feels about himself. [This means he] can care for you deeply and not perform well in bed or he can have many women besides you and still give you a great sexual experience every time.”

He pointed out that men often have the ability to perform well sexually, but their experiences are marred by a number of factors — the most common obstacle being anxiety. This could develop out of perhaps an insecure, anxious attachment to their primary caregivers in childhood, which could play out in adult interpersonal and sexual relationships. Other experiences such as trauma during childhood or adulthood could also cause anxiety in a man’s performance and insecurity.

But below, women share how they can grade a man’s bedroom skills way before he even gets there.

Jinelle:

If he is a pretty boy and he acts like he can’t mash ants, don’t believe the façade, he’s a bedroom tiger. On the other hand, if he acts like he knows more about you and your pleasure buttons, and talks and talks up a storm in the bedroom, probably the wind he will bring could barely shake a pepper tree.

Mara:

The type of man who will stare straight at you with his piercing, fiery eyes that will make you want him, is good. He is confident, focused and very mature. That type of man, according to my experience, puts on a good show.

Tiffany:

I am always on the ball, and I think it’s based on how the man walks, the way he looks and acts, even by the very way he bends to pick up something off the ground. A good lover is more often than not sure about himself, is not big on the talking, and is less likely to be hype.

Ruth-Ann:

Good kissers make good lovers and I have proof of this. It’s when he kisses you and you feel like the lovemaking has already begun.

Dianne:

The hand hold. Is he firm? Does he try to find out what you would like? Does he seem like the type who would go above and beyond to make sure that he is not only better than your ex, but that even if it doesn’t work out you will never forget him? A man concerned with my pleasure usually ends up getting a bright green light after.