The lure of the married man, why women go there
THE story of the other woman is an age-old one which continues to play out with little sign of cessation despite the fact that society frowns upon the other woman in no uncertain terms.
While men often get a slap on the wrist for their infidelity, the woman gets something that is more comparable to a kick, one from which she sometimes never recovers, especially if she is a serial side chick. A woman who becomes involved with a married man is taking a risk with her heart, her reputation and perhaps valuable time she will never be able to get back.
Studies have shown that only about five per cent of married men leave their wives for the other woman, and 93 per cent of married men who cheat will not admit the cheating to their wives. If caught, they would rather throw the other woman under the bus because they do not want to risk what they have invested in with their marriage.
So despite the evidence of losses being more than gains, why do some women get involved and keep holding on to relationships with their married lovers?
1. Financial
1. Financial
Affairs are costly, and most women prefer a man who can comfortably provide for them. A woman who wants some extra financial help without committing to domestic life finds the perfect candidate in a married man who can give her that support without her having to take on the responsibilities of a wife. The man wants to keep his wife and he also wants to have the other woman available to him when he needs her, so both are playing the game to their benefit.
2. She got sucked in and believes he will leave his wife
2. She got sucked in and believes he will leave his wife
A woman can start out by being a sounding board for a man who claims to be in an unhappy marriage. He will share with her more and more details of what is wrong in his marriage and if she is not careful, she eventually begins to see herself as the solution to his problems, especially if he has expressed interest in her. A woman might believe she can rescue an unhappy married man from his ‘evil’ wife. A woman in this situation should be mindful that a lot of married men will not tell the whole truth about the state of things in their marriage, worse if there’s an interest.
3. She doesn’t want a husband
3. She doesn’t want a husband
She could be a single woman who has no interest in getting married or having children. She wants the sex, gifts and companionship without the responsibility of caring for a man, household and family. There are many women who can provide for themselves but who see a married man as the answer to their sexual and companionship needs.
4. She’s vulnerable
4. She’s vulnerable
A woman who is going through something challenging in her life is often not emotionally stable enough to make wise relationship decisions. She could be dealing with a broken relationship, divorce, or some other emotionally challenging situation. A woman in any of these situations is vulnerable and will attract the wrong men as her vision is likely short-sighted. She wants immediate attention and affection to soothe her pain, thus she is an easy prey for the man who knows this and is willing to provide it in order to get close to her.
5. Generational curse/She’s a serial side chick
5. Generational curse/She’s a serial side chick
Some women simply do not want a man of their own. There is something about a married man that appeals to them, so a cycle develops over time where they move from one married man to another. There can be a spiritual side to this behaviour (generational curse), but not everyone will accept that a woman who has serial relationships with married men has a spiritual problem. They would rather label her a homewrecker and give her a whipping if they can.
6. She was tricked
6. She was tricked
Yes, there are women who became involved with men who they had no idea were married until the wife found out and contacted them. The difficulty for some of these women is that they are now emotionally attached to the man and despite knowing that he is not available, they find it difficult to let go of the relationship. This is when the man will tell them what they want to hear in order to keep them hanging on and hoping he will eventually leave his wife. Although some men do leave their wives, most rarely do. in fact less than five per cent of married men leave their wives for their mistresses.
7. She has power/emotional issues
7. She has power/emotional issues
There are women who are overachievers and are used to getting what they want and they apply the same mindset to getting a man. If she sees a man she wants, it matters not if he is married. She is used to winning so she will go after him just to prove to herself that she can get him. This is where the tables might turn in terms of her showering him with gifts to prove she can take care of him better than his wife.
Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Keep up with her on marieberbick.blogspot.com/or follow her onTwitter@thePR Girl. E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
Marie Berbick is a communications specialist, motivational speaker and founder of the women’s ministry Sisters United for Prayer, Healing, Empowerment & Restoration (SUPHER). Keep up with her on marieberbick.blogspot.com/or follow her on
@thePR Girl. E-mail marieberbick@gmail.com.
