Why can’t men take no for an answer?
FOR centuries, hatred, contempt for and prejudice against women and girls has been a feature of many societies — behaviour that many groups and individuals have been working to eradicate.
However, in today’s world misogyny still exists, but often it is not done overtly as some misogynists aren’t even aware of what they’re doing, because it is typically an unconscious hatred that men form early in life, often as a result of trauma involving a female figure they trusted.
The manifestation of this hatred can be potentially fatal. Take for instance Tiarah Poyau, who was shot after she rebuffed the advances of a man at a parade in Brooklyn in early September, and Mary Spears, who was gunned down in Detroit, Michigan in 2014 for saying “no” to a man’s advances.
Additionally, Paris Sashay, a Washington, DC, comedian was beaten into unconsciousness for denying the advances of a group of men after a show in 2015; Lakeeya Walker, a pregnant woman, was kicked and beaten by a man in New York in March 2015 for not saying “thank you” when he held a door open for her; and in January, Janese Talton-Jackson was shot and killed by a man in a Pittsburgh bar when she rejected his sexual advances.
Locally, in July, Paul Martin killed his common-law wife Collette Hibbert at her workplace and then took his own life, after witnesses said she told him she no longer wanted him.
The list of women who have suffered such treatment is endless, and it is difficult to explain why it seems so hard for men to take no for an answer.
Below women tell All Woman of their experiences with men like these.
Kelly:
I left work late to meet my mentor who is an athletics coach to discuss some issues I was experiencing and to get advice. When I got to where he was parked and came out of my car, I was walking for about two minutes when I heard ‘psst’. I turned and saw someone in a car, who turned out to be a parent of one of my mentor’s students. I continued walking and he started coming after me. I started to run along the pathway to get to the field, but one of my steps amounted to approximately 10 of his, so he caught me in two strides. He then started asking why I was running from him and demanded that I tell him my name and give him my number. I said no and he followed me all the way to where I was going, then when he saw who I was going to meet, he proceeded to insult me thinking my mentor would have agreed with him. He backed off when my mentor said I was his daughter, and if he harassed me his son would be removed from the team.
Becca:
I was in a relationship for eight years and when I told my ex that I was leaving him he seemed OK at first. He then proceeded to send threats, drive past my home when I was driving in to point gun fingers at me, and came to my workplace and slashed my tyres and used a sharp object to scratch ‘bitch’ on my bonnet. I had to move back into my parents’ home and report it to the police, hoping to get him to stop. When he didn’t relent I decided to leave Jamaica and pursue further studies abroad. That way I’d be out of sight and mind for a number of years.
Nicki:
I was at an Independence Day street party in Half-Way-Tree square and I was enjoying my own company and the performances. Up came a man wanting to dance with me, and when I told him no he pushed me so hard that I twisted my ankle and fell to the ground. The security personnel who were there saw what happened and rushed to my assistance. Another example was on a coaster bus where a man sat beside me and kept asking for my number. I ignored his advances and he proceeded to verbally abuse me and call me all sorts of names, simply because I ignored him.
Joanna:
My experience happened a few years ago when I commuted to work. I would wait on the Papine bus and one day the bus stop was really crammed and I managed to get on the bus, but I was right on the steps. While there one of the loader men started rubbing my arm and said “Baby, me like you ennuh”, so I shrugged him off because he was sweaty and in reality, why would I accept his advances and his inappropriate touch? This man then gave me one hearty slap on my arm and said “A who yuh a diss?” I don’t know when I got out of the bus, but I got out and gave it to him with my shoe. I’m a teacher so when I got to school it was the talk of the day as my students who witnessed the ordeal told everyone.
