His wife won’t let him TEXT ME
Dear Counsellor,
I am happily married but I have an ex-boyfriend whom I love much more than my husband. His wife read some messages that I sent to him and now he has not called me or sent return messages. I love him. What should I do? Should I contact him? Does the law of attraction mean he will come back into my life?
It is interesting that you have stated at the onset that you are “happily” married, yet you are jeopardising that happiness by connecting with your ex-boyfriend. You have also admitted that you love the ex-boyfriend much more than your husband. Whereas this may be possible, the fact is that both of you have made decisions to be committed to other people.
So the gentleman’s wife picked up the text or e-mails you sent him and no doubt instructed him to cease communication with you for obvious reasons. She may even have issued an ultimatum to him to desist, or else.
So what is your intention as far as this man is concerned? Are you seriously hoping he will divorce his wife to be with you? Are you expecting to rekindle the relationship to the extent that you both pick up where you left off? Was that your objective when you both started to communicate? It is true that memories don’t leave like people do, and so you may well be reflecting on the good times you both had then, but sometimes memories are better kept in the mind and would be detrimental to both partners if they were to be rehashed.
I guess the question you are asking is whether some people are destined to be together. Some people believe in this concept while others don’t. What is true is that someone you like may be desirable, but not necessarily available. So even though you may feel that your ex may fulfil all your expectations of a husband, he is unavailable to supply your needs at this time and may never be available in the future.
Although there have been many “…and they lived happily ever after” stories of ex-lovers who terminated their respective relationships/marriages to re-unite with each other, there have been others where the outcome has been disastrous. If you have not been in constant contact with someone for a long time, a number of things could have happened over the period of time that you are not aware of that may be a deal-breaker for you. The person’s general outlook on life may have changed. You could end up saying, “This is not the person I knew then.”
So to go back to your declaration of happiness in your marriage, it may be worth your while to focus on your husband and your marital relationship and allow your ex to do the same with his.
Wayne Powell is a relationship counsellor. Write to crisscounselloronline@gmail. com; check out his work overseas on www.seekingshalom.org, e-mail powellw@ seekingshalom.org.
