How to know your man/woman is cheating

A cheating partner is oftentimes a careless partner — changing this here and amending this there, trying to make sure that their partner doesn’t find out about their double life. But sometimes they’re in so much of a hurry to make things appear normal that clues get left behind. And sometimes the clue is merely a gut feeling, often caused by a partner’s changed behaviour that’s the giveaway ticket.

Sex therapist Dr Sidney McGill, having heard more tales of cheating spouses than the ordinary person has, shares a few signs, divided by gender, that your partner is cheating.

HE:

He comes home later than usual

You know your partner — he’s never interested in staying overtime at work, becoming involved in charity or other work projects, hanging out with friends or having any interest in something new. But suddenly there are changes. Sometimes he will even make small talk about these changes without you even asking, totally out of guilt or in trying and cover his tracks.

He is sensitive about his gadgets

“What yuh doing with my phone?!” he might shout in panic if you even get close enough to taking it up. He will add or put passwords on his gadgets, when before you shared the devices with a password known to both of you without any problem at all. Now he will tell you that important work and sensitive business are being done on it, or that his phone is personal.

He now takes calls privately

No matter how intimate the moment, if he is taking a call he goes to another room or moves out of hearing distance. He will hide the screen of the phone as he texts, and seems to lose himself in the gadget even as you try to have a conversation with him. If he erupts in laughter and he never shares the jokes, even though he used to before, you’re in trouble.

He barely wants to spend time with you

If he would much rather watch the TV or simply find something else to occupy his time until he falls asleep rather than talk with you, that is also cause for concern, because his relationship with you creates too much anxiety for him. He may not be sexually involved yet, but he may be emotionally involved with someone else.

SHE:

On the other hand, Dr McGill says women are adept at cheating for long periods without their partners having the slightest clue. He said this is because their behaviours before, during and after the sexual episodes will show very few signs of variation. But men should look for:

Sexually transmitted diseases

There is no truth to the “her vagina feels different theory”; however, if you know you have been faithful to a woman and you contract an STD, it’s one way of telling that she’s been naughty.

Faking orgasms

She looks indifferent, she doesn’t seem to be interested in sex with you, and even when she agrees to it, all she wants is for you to get it over with. She is often so desperate for this that she will fake an orgasm, hoping that you will just finish up and let her be. Done consistently, this could be a sign.

She hides her phone

As much as she loves social media, she would much prefer to sacrifice it than to ever chance a message from “lover boy” popping up in your presence.

Expensive gifts, or having extra money

From expensive perfumes to outfits, lingerie and purses, she has them all, but these don’t really match any of your budgets, and there is no proof of the spending. She says they are gifts, but you know her friends don’t have that kind of money, nor would they be buying her presents so often. She has also become sensitive about sharing information on her finances although you both have good credit and share accounts.

She is less emotional, less attached

She doesn’t get as upset anymore at the little things that would make her mad, probably because she is not paying as much attention anymore. She is less open, not talking as much or sharing as many details about her days as she would before. She will also not be too concerned about plans that you have to spend time together anymore, even though those were priority before.

Dr McGill notes that these clues, however, are inconclusive. He advised that if your friends tell you that your partner is cheating, do not accept their version. He said you should depend on your own intuition and act on this to find out. Above all, never be afraid to ask your partner outright.