Resolve to be a better spouse this year

AS the New Year starts and you reflect on your relationship, think about this: if your partner had the opportunity to grade you, would you get an F?

If you are honest, you would probably agree that you messed up a bit, as we all do, and pledge to make some improvements in the coming New Year. But where do you start?

Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell advises making some changes on three levels. These include:

1. Being more committed

Powell said if you have been missing in action on the home base because of work obligations or illicit affairs, you should now recommit time and effort to developing your relationship. Similarly, he said if you are a deadbeat parent who neglected your responsibilities, now is the time to reconnect with the children, assume your responsibilities, and make a meaningful intervention in your children’s lives. Likewise, he said you may not have been supportive of your partner in terms of educational or career development, so now is the perfect time to pledge to offer any assistance you can towards his/her personal development.

2. Be more intimate

“So you and your partner have grown apart and lost the closeness you once shared. For the New Year, make a determined effort to restore the emotional bonds. Establish date nights where agreed dates and times are set aside just for the both of you,” Powell said. He also added that it is paramount to check in with each other during or at the end of the day just to ensure you maintain connectedness. Powell also said your partner should be your friend that you trust and confide in, so keep the lines of communication open and talk with each other face-to-face.

“Put the cell phones away and give your partner undivided attention. Pledge to spend less time arguing and more time having non-confrontational conversations,” Powell said.

3. Be more passionate

The relationship counsellor said if there are problems on the commitment and intimacy levels, the physical/sexual attraction will diminish and even disintegrate. As a result, he said for the New Year, where there is little or no emotional stimulation or physical arousal, now is the time to do what is required to restore the pleasure. “If boredom and predictability exist in the sexual relations department, why not commit to adding some creativity and variety to the activities for the coming year?” Powell suggested. “Remember, men are primarily visual beings, so ladies, maybe you can replace the tattered nightgown with a sexy negligée. Men, you too can ditch the unappealing underpants and T-shirts. Women are primarily emotional beings, so charm and romance your lady every day and every time.”