How-to attract a man without looking desperate

MOST women are taught that they should be chased instead of going hunting. But many modern women are stepping beyond this cultural boundary, asserting and putting themselves in a position to catch the eyes of those they think could be the men of their dreams. And with so many other hopefuls eyeing these men, it is quite tempting to engage in obvious tricks which could come off as acts of desperation.

To avoid any such mishap, relationship counsellor Wayne Powell schools women on assertive, subtle, and dignified approaches that will get his attention without branding you as too eager.

Just be yourself

One of the biggest turn-offs for a man is a woman pretending to be who she is not. Sometimes, from mere observation, a man can tell whether you are putting on a show. So forget the hype and don’t try to be what you are not.

Remove the ‘don’t come close’ sign

Your body language often says more than the words that actually leave your mouth. Don’t look too tense and angry with the world as though you’re trying to ward people off. This can be a turn-off. Plus you know men and their egos — nobody likes rejection, and that is just what your body language suggests he would get.

Be pleasant; smile

Smile a while. They say that before a man falls for a woman he first falls in love with her smile. The man you are in hot pursuit of might just be captivated by it.

Be a lady

Never forget rule number one: always be a lady. Men are turned off by the use of expletives, boisterous behaviour, and a tacky appearance, among other things. Men are interested in the way that you package yourself, since until they get to know you, your speech and appearance are what they can judge you by.

Avoid being the centre of attention If you are not required to, don’t aim to be the centre of attention, constantly trying to do or say things in order to get noticed. And even if you have to be upfront, then be gracious.

Speak well

Men love women who speak well. Have a good command of the English language, especially grammar. Men are attracted to good communicators.

Wear clothes that accentuate your physical attributes

There is a difference between dressing well and dressing up. It is important to take a lot of care in choosing your clothes and appropriate accessories: avoid being flashy as this could mean ‘being extra’. Also, having a Coca-Cola bottle figure and flawless skin doesn’t mean that the world needs to see it all. Leave something to his imagination. Men generally don’t like everyone seeing what should be their bonus.

Don’t come on too strong

When you decide to approach him, just remember to be subtle. It’s okay for you to be nice enough for him to recognise that you like him, but you don’t want to scare him off by talking about moving in, marriage and a family on your first interaction.

Don’t be too easy

Although some men may be happy to score with you on the first occasion, for others this does not bode well for a lasting relationship. Regardless of how he might act, a man does like the actual hunt, and your eager compliance could indicate a pattern of one-night stands.

Offer a helping hand if you can

If you are in the position to offer assistance, whether it is sharing a pen, helping with an errand, giving advice, explaining a situation — whatever it may be — without expecting anything in return, he will notice that you are thoughtful. Be genuine.

Make sure you aren’t labelled

Two of the biggest turn-offs for men are discovering that a woman they like is an OPPS (other people’s property specialist) or OSC (official side chick). Let’s face it, this is no man’s dream unless you are actually auditioning for those roles.

Make sure you aren’t labelled a ‘Begesha’

Many men will tell you that begging is a big turn-off for them. Don’t beg cell phones, credit, or anything else. It looks and sounds low.

Don’t be labelled ‘a gold digger’

No man wants to feel that a woman is trying to get his attention in the hope that she can get into his wallet. In fact, a lot of men are looking for women they can build a life with. However, a label like this does not send a message that it would be possible with a woman who shares the kind of mindset you exhibit.