The real reason I got married

QUITE often people say they get married for love, but more often than not, when probed, they will reveal reasons other than affection for tying the knot — from the need for financial security, immigration status, investment opportunities, social climbing, pleasing a parent, legitimising a pregnancy, or just being fascinated with the idea of marriage. In fact, one woman who recently shared on Twitter that she got married not only for love, but because of the opportunities that a combined income could provide for her and her child’s future, got much support from other individuals who agreed that marriage is a contract, and love is only part of the equation.When

All Woman asked some of its readers the real reasons they got married, some of the responses were surreal.Henry H, 49, said he wanted to please his mother, and because she took care of all the expenses, even though he was just 21 years old and truly not into it, he went along with the plan.Dave P, 34, was no different. What’s worse is that he admits he had no idea what he was getting himself into.“It felt right. We were in the same profession and at least I thought the love was there and we could grow old together whilst building. I really never gave it much thought. We’re going through a divorce now,” he said.And in the case of Nathan L, he saw it as respect for his wife’s parents.“Out of respect for her father I did it. I do love her, and at the time we were already engaged, but the date had to be pushed back as she got pregnant. So now there was a child and an engagement ring from before the child, what next? Hence that’s why I said it was the right thing to do,” he explained.Richard L, 29, said his girlfriend got pregnant and he had always told himself that he would marry the first woman who had his child; while Maria D, 46, saw marriage partly as an opportunity to get to the United States.“At the time he loved me, and life in Jamaica was rough,” she shared. “So we got married and he filed for me.”Now a US resident, she is going through a divorce because she said they never took time to know each other, and now realise that they are not compatible.Allison B, who was married for 23 years before separating from her husband recently, said they got married because she had two children for another man, was pregnant with a third, and wanted to feel better about herself.“I didn’t want my children to have different last names and be raised by a single parent,” she said.And Morganna S, 27, who had been through several failed relationships, domestic abuse, and was a single mother, “married the first man who asked me to marry him after all that”. This, she did, despite the fact that he was two decades older than she was, and was very ill.For Sandrice L, 30, who got married earlier this year, it was all to show her husband’s ex-wife and his family “who is boss”.She said she got involved with her husband while he was still married, and had two children for him. His now ex-wife constantly harassed her, and his family refused to meet her children and constantly berated her. She encouraged him to get a divorce and marry her instead.“They all know to respect me now,” she said. “He is with the woman he truly loves, and they have to accept that.”According to Wayne Powell, relationship counsellor and marriage and family therapist, there are both pros and cons to marrying someone you don’t love.“Many people marry for different reasons, including financial stability, an unplanned pregnancy, residential status, and in some of these cases love has no place in the mix. So the partners are brought together because of circumstances rather than emotional connection. This can be good and also bad,” Powell said.He said the positive aspects of a relationship without love include:1. Partners’ physical interaction may engender an emotional attachment.2. Partners may maintain an unbroken family structure for the sake of the child.3. One or both partners may get what they really want from the relationship. On the flip side, the cons of such a relationship include:1. One partner may be easily distracted as he/she was not committed to the person or the relationship.2. Having all the material things without emotional attachment to the partner will become frustrating eventually.3. Marrying someone to maintain the stability of the family (child) is no guarantee that love will develop between the partners.