Why do so many women settle for cheaters?

THERE are a million ways a man can hurt a woman, and even if she threatens to leave, when she cools off she usually forgives him anyway. But many draw the line at cheating — in fact, many no-nonsense women, especially when this happens more than once, see it as simply unforgivable, even questioning the moral compass of those who subject themselves to this kind of treatment. But there are several women who see cheating as normal, something to expect in a relationship, and who simply shrug when their men stay away for days, impregnate other women, or insist that it’s not in their nature to remain monogamous. And while some women stay because they rely on the men financially or otherwise, there are others who have no need to remain in these situations, and yet they simply resign themselves.

Why are so many women willing to settle for cheaters?Relationship counsellor Wayne Powell says that there could be several compounding factors behind a woman’s decision to stay with a cheating partner — even those whose extracurricular game time extends to several days long. Below, he shares why some women take it in stride: 1. A belief that men are wired to cheatBeenie Man is just one of the local artistes who said it… “Man fi have nuff gyal and gyal in a bundle”. This has been part of a culture which has taught many women to believe that all men are wired to cheat, and so many women accept that their partners will be unfaithful in the relationship because they have come to accept this as the norm. 2. Because she won her man by cheating with himIt’s not uncommon for the side chick to get upgraded to wife. When this happens, however, she is fully aware of the type of man he is and his difficulty with being faithful. Even though she has full knowledge of this, she stays because she may believe she won a prize and is claiming it, and she has conditioned her mind to the inevitability of cheating because that is the kind of man she chose, and she has grown to love him. 3. The man made it clear from the outset that he was not exclusive to herThe man may have indicated from the start of the relationship that he was not a “one burner” man, and she agreed to stay with him anyway. Often these arrangements include an unwritten clause — the woman, especially when she’s his number one girl, may ask him to be discreet, ensure that the other women respect her place and never try to disrespect or confront her, and protect himself and her by always wearing a condom. 4. Financial comfortThe financial stability and comfortable lifestyle are very important to her, and so if leaving because he cheats will deny her living the good life, she would rather ‘grin and bear it’. 5. To hold her family togetherSome women are willing to sacrifice their own happiness, even turn a blind eye to the hurtful things that are happening in their relationship, in order to maintain a stable family unit. The likelihood of this happening increases when children are in the picture, because they don’t want to rob the children of their father’s presence. 6. The fear of starting overMany women will tell you that the most difficult part they sometimes wish they could skip altogether is getting to know someone new. Starting all over again is an uphill task, and some women just can’t be bothered, so they make no issue over infidelity, especially when everything else is taken care of. 7. The other woman is actually helping her outShe has no interest or desire for sex with her man, so she believes the other woman may be doing her a favour by attending to her man’s sexual needs. She therefore has peace of mind because he doesn’t need to nag her about what he isn’t getting. In fact, some women don’t even care where he is getting it from, even if it’s next door, as long as he returns home.