The moment I came face to face with cheating
ONE moment. Sometimes that’s all it takes to make or break an individual. And for those who have been cheated on, the painful memory can stay with them for a lifetime.
Below, All Woman readers share details of the moment when reality hit them in the gut: the partner they trusted was actually being unfaithful.
Carmelita, retailer, 52:
My eldest daughter was getting ready for medical school. My husband and I knew that we wouldn’t be able to pay for medical school, plus meet expenses for our second child who was going to do law in another year and a half. And what about our son, who hadn’t yet decided on his plans for the future? When the time came for our daughter to go to the Students’ Loan Bureau (SLB), her father wouldn’t give up his pay slips even though he knew the SLB needed all his documents. He insisted on going in with our daughter himself. Although the interview date was approaching, he still wouldn’t give up the documents, so I decided to go hunting. That was when I discovered his infidelity, as his pay slips showed that money was being deducted from his salary for child support. I made no fuss, I had no quarrel, but I made sure that he apologised to his children. I am working on the aspect of forgiveness, because after all, I did go in front of God and say “until death do us part”.
Daveon, security guard, 34:
Normally it would take her no longer than 20 minutes between work and home. All of a sudden it started taking an hour, and her excuses began to multiply. She even said once that gunmen shot the taxi driver that she usually relied on, so she had to wait longer to get a taxi. Anyway, some men in the area said they were seeing a strange car parked on an abandoned property in the bush about three houses from where we lived. So we decided that we were going to ambush the vehicle and investigate, because a strange vehicle in the area is never a good sign. After about six weeks we made a move, only to find my woman “cock up” in the Honda with a man. Up to this day the men in the area call me “Honda”. I had to leave her, because if I didn’t they would say I was “soft”.
Alicia, market researcher, 28:
I am good friends with my boyfriend’s sister. About two years ago when he came back from the farm work programme in Canada, his niece was using his phone, after which she gave it to her mom. At this point she found messages proving that he had sex with at least two other girls. As my good sistren, she told me, and within a week I made him cough everything up. It’s not even the sex with the women that hurt me, it’s how I was so trusting to open myself to him without protection.
Javar, labourer, 24:
I was just 15 years old when my girlfriend said she was pregnant. She was 15 too. Anyway, my parents were quite upset, and her family hated me. I even stopped going to the community they were from because the girl was bright and she had a bright future. I got a small job and bought things for the baby, and my family helped me out too. But when the baby was born he was very light-skinned, with curly hair and Asian features. My family started having doubts, and it turned out that the girl had been seeing a half-Chinese youth around the time she got pregnant. Right now I’m still upset because it’s a whole heap of sacrifices I had to make, like washing big pots for a “smalls” and doing road and gutter work to buy things for the baby that wasn’t mine.
Kemesha, small business owner, 31:
I have a special way of bugging his phone. When I do that, I set up the phone in such a way that I receive every WhatsApp message that goes to my partner’s phone. If it had not been for this app he would have gotten away with it, because this man’s phone is always clean (no suspicious messages). He doesn’t get suspicious calls or anything, so I guess I should be glad I’m tech-savvy; that way I saved myself from a much bigger heartbreak.
