Why are men afraid to get married?
GAMOPHOBIA is the fear of marriage. Yes, there is such a term, and it is most commonly seen in men. While many women dream of the day when they will walk down the aisle to the love of their lives, some men dread that day.
To some men, marriage comes with financial, personal, and social burdens. As a wedding planner I not only interact with the men who are getting married, but also with the many who are afraid to tie the knot. Some of the major reasons are listed below.
1. They are afraid of losing their independence
For a lot of men, they are afraid that marriage may threaten their freedom. A marriage will require them to make decisions with their wives, and they will have to constantly update her on their whereabouts. Although this perception is false, some men do believe that a marriage will prevent them from doing the things they love to do most, like hanging out with their friends.
Jonathan, 32: I could have been married years ago, but I do not want anyone to hinder my daily activities. I just feel like when I get married a lot of the things I do now, like going to the bar with my friends and just having a day to myself, I will not be able to do.
2. Weddings can be very expensive
For some men it is not the marriage they are most afraid of, it is the wedding. Weddings can be very expensive, sometimes costing hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Jamar, 27: I don’t want to get married when I don’t have the money to pay for a proper wedding. I feel I have to work and save first. My girlfriend talks about marriage, but she does not understand that I need to have money for the wedding. I think she feels I don’t want her to be my wife, but that is far from the truth.
3. Marriage may mean less sex
Some men feel that after marriage the frequency of sex may dramatically decrease, even though this may be far from the truth. This may come from the many misconceptions about marriage. Many television shows and comedies now depict marriage in a bad light, helping to make men hate the idea of marriage even more.
Tony, 44: I do believe that after marriage women may not feel they have to satisfy our needs as much as they should because they have tied us down. Because of that, I stay away from even the thought.
4. Marriage can change the woman
According to some men, before a marriage women will try their best to seek and keep attention. They will dress to impress, do their hair nicely, and make the men feel that they are lucky to have them. After marriage the woman might become complacent. This, though not the case in many marriages, has prevented some men from getting married.
Gary, 36: If I am happy the way things are now, why get married when the woman might change for the worse?
5. They are afraid of divorce
Yes ladies, some men are very terrified of divorce. According to them, modern divorce statistics are very high, and it is very difficult to enter into something that should last for a lifetime, just for it to end.
Rory, 34: I am really afraid of the problems that might arise in marriage. It will hurt to lose someone that you made such a commitment to and plus, getting a divorce is really expensive!
There are many other reasons why some men may be afraid of marriage, but these are some of the top ones. It is recommended that couples attend counselling sessions to ensure that these misconceptions (which are mostly psychological) are dealt with. It’s also highly recommended that couples are upfront and honest with each other before getting married, to give the other person an opportunity to decide if they are willing to accept them, warts and all. After all, marriage is a good thing if couples are working together to raise children, build wealth and provide support for each other through the many bumps in life.
Jennifer Borgh is an expert Canadian wedding planner.
