‘He told me that he was converting to Buddhism’

SOMETIMES, especially when only one party desires a break-up, they might end up offering the lamest excuses in hope that the other party will cut them loose. It’s a coward’s way out, but for the people below, things got all too real when their exes got creative with their reasons for wanting out.

Julie, 25, customer service representative:

He told me that he was converting to Buddhism, and was from that point on going to live a clean life without the cares of this world. A few months later I saw him in Negril when I was visiting with my girlfriends, and he was on the beach propositioning older female tourists. Apparently he wanted to migrate, and I couldn’t help him.

Jodi-Ann, 26, PR practitioner:

I met a soldier and we chatted for a while. He would always call and tell me about his day, I told him about mine, and we spoke about life choices and our future. We became really great friends and started dating. One day he stopped communicating and when we resumed, he told me that his phone had fallen in water. But communication again ended soon after, and eventually I saw him and asked what was wrong, why he was so distant. He said I was just a comfort cushion to pass time when he got bored and needed someone to talk to.

Ned, 34, teacher:

My girlfriend would talk in her sleep, and one morning I jokingly told her that it seemed like she was fighting in her dream, because she sat up in the bed and called out her sister’s name as if panicked. Well, she promptly packed her things and accused me of eavesdropping, and said she could never trust me again. That was five years ago, and to this day I’m still puzzled.

Jermaine, 37, porter:

I had a girl, and after about a year of dating she told me that she thought we would be better off as friends. She said that as friends we wouldn’t argue so much. But there was a man picking her up in a Benz less than a week after she told me that, and as I had agreed to be her “friend”, I didn’t have any say in the matter.

Sher, 29, pastry chef:

A partner a year or so ago told me he had too much baggage carrying from the past and he was not capable of loving me. He insisted that I deserved so much more and had so much to offer, and he didn’t deserve me. Turns out he and his ex-girlfriend had worked things out.

Sherry, 39, consultant:

After we were in a relationship for close to five months this guy told me that he thought we were moving too fast. This was coming from the same guy who had his tongue down my throat on the second date, and I was actually the one who had to make him settle for a peck on the cheek on our first.

Larry, 27, marketing analyst:

She told me that her cat didn’t like me, and she had to respect his wishes. Then she told me to leave her place immediately, and it was after 1:00 am on a Sunday, and I don’t drive! The most hurtful thing is that all that time, I had tried to be nice to the cat and thought I was actually bonding with him.

Laura, 39, banker:

My ex used to get slightly annoyed when I booked waxing appointments, but I paid him no mind because he certainly seemed to like the after-effect. But one day, after my Brazilian, we were in bed when he told me that he had watched a video on YouTube about how Brazilian waxes were actually done, and I was a Jezebel for allowing someone to do that to me. He even quoted the Bible and said I was a loose woman, and he couldn’t be with someone like that, and what would his mother think if she knew? He never called me again after that night.