Give love this Christmas
YOU may not see ‘love’ written on anyone’s Christmas wish list, but it is something that we all need, especially in the holidays when families tend to spend more time together. Dr Pearnel Bell, psychologist and relationship counsellor, shares some ways in which you can ensure that you don’t just give gifts for Christmas’s sake, but that you also give the gift of love.
Giving gifts
One of the ways in which people show their love in the holidays is by giving tangible items such as gifts. While Dr Bell says there is nothing wrong with this, she emphasises that the gifts you choose to give must be personal.
“Know the person to whom you are giving the gift. Sometimes when you give a gift that the person is not connecting with, it doesn’t feel like love,” she said. “You must be mindful of who the person is and what they are like, because you must connect with the person. The gift must be thoughtful, and there should be some kind of attachment at the end of the day.”
Gifts for children
Children are usually the recipients of toys for Christmas. Dr Bell says that you can show them that you love them by giving them more than just toys.
“Ensure that children’s gifts are thoughtful and useful. Parents should try to get things that the children will appreciate, but will also serve a purpose to them, and they can remember for a long time to come.”
You may consider getting your child a pet or enrolling them in a class or club to develop a talent that they have. You can also encourage financial responsibility by allowing them to invest their savings in stocks, for example.
Gifts for spouses, in-laws and relatives
“You should really sit down and think about each person individually, and what would be the most useful thing to them. It really has to do with the circumstances and their situation.”
Dr Bell says that instead of a gift, you might opt to give someone money, because they would appreciate it more than a gift that has no use to them. “You can also get a gift card to a store so the person can go and pick out what they want. That would be very thoughtful. If it’s someone who you know is very stressed out you could give them a day pass to get pampered,” she adds.
Acts of kindness
Even without giving someone a tangible present, you can give love by performing an act of kindness.
“Acts of kindness are about looking for opportunities in the person’s life that you can use to show that you appreciate them,” Dr Bell explains.
She recommends incorporating the following things for each special person in your life this holiday, to show that you love them:
Your spouse
“Create an evening at home as if you were out at a restaurant together,” she says. Even while staying in budget, you can treat your husband or wife to some quality time by giving your effort and consideration. You can do this by making some time for him/her, preparing something that he/she really likes, and creating a beautiful ambience for a romantic evening.
Your children
“You could have a games night with them where there is a lot of fun and social interaction,” she says. “Even a walk in the park with them or going to throw stones in a river can be great activities. The most important thing is to know their needs, and then try to base the acts off whatever it is that they need most.”
Relatives and friends
For people outside of your immediate family, Dr Bell says that you can show them love by simply paying a visit.
“You can make what we call a gratitude visit,” she says. “You can just stop by and let them know how special they have been in your life, and why you appreciate them.”
Seeing that it’s the holidays, you might not want to turn up empty-handed. In anticipation of this, Dr Bell recommends that you make them something by hand.
“Kind words also work. You can make a poem for the person and put it on nice paper and even frame it. The most important thing is to communicate that you love and appreciate them,” she says.
